Some things to not bear too much criticism or examination, and I acknowledge that this is a humorous piece, but worth a few moments of nattering and consideration …
Truths for mature adults…..
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Actually, nothing there I’m at all concerned about. Especially with more recent browsers that let you surf without a history file …
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Um … yup.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
Um … double-yup.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
Jonathan Swift and H.L. Mencken and Mark Twain somehow all managed …
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Use the internal seam points as your corners. Tuck in loose edges as you go. You really need two to make it work.
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
Well, I don’t use cursive for any of my handwriting, but I’m glad I have a cursive (ish) scrawl for my signature. Block letter the sig line on a check draws stares.
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Maybe as an option. If you’re doing directions from someplace you don’t know …
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
Most usually do, though not in any great detail.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
See #3.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
Very true. Good decisions make for dull stories, either for the teller, or the tellee.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Voluntarily and involuntarily.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
I’d like to think that it will be data files that will Last Forever. But that ignores resolution and technolgical advances, let alone DRM and distribution restrictions and vendor control over what you are buying licensing.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
Heh.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
We delicate-wash quite a few things that are “dry clean only.” On the other hand, it sure seems that women’s clothing has a large percentage of “dry flat” and “line dry” restrictions. (I intentionally only buy things that don’t have to be ironed.)
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
Usually it rings once, and then I know that they’ve rolled to my voice mail and are leaving me a message, so then I have to call them back again.
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
Pretty much my life. But do I get to wear shorts and Hawaiian shirts to the office? Nooooooo ….
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Too many of my calls come from offices that don’t have a recognizable caller ID. Bastards.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
Um … at least two of our fridges have lights in the freezer.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
Lips that touch Miller Lite will never touch mine!
20. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Yup. That goes right along with walking into a room and suddenly not being sure why you did.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Yup. Frequently.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
Ah, the Litherman’s Load. I know it well. Margie says I do it because I’m self-challenging. I say I do it because I’m lazy.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
HA! Yes.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger
Oh, yes.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
Been there, nodded that.
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Sadly, someone always lets him/her in.
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
They’re certainly good for multiple wearings, depending on the circumstances (wrinkles, occasion to wear them to). I try to wear work pants for at least a couple of days. Shorts over the summer may get a week or two of wear.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
It’s not just you.
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
Related to #2.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
There are indeed bicyclists who ride like jerks. I’m by no means convinced they exceed in number the other two classes in their jerkiness.
31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Actually, I’m just as likely to knock the damn thing on the floor, since I never hit snooze (That Way Lateness Lies …).
(via Doyce from Vulcan Stev)
17. I believe the idea here is to assign a name to the phone number so your phone will display it, Caller ID notwithstanding.
18. How many flippin’ fridges do you have? Even Nero Wolfe needed only one refrigerator!
28. See Failbook (not exclusively HS kids, but they are well-represented).
18. At present we have four (five if you count the small drink fridge in the basement). Kitchen has one. The other three are in the garage: a “drink” fridge, a leftovers/overflow fridge, and another we use just for its icebox.
I’d very much like to reduce that number, but in what way and how to deal with all the freezer goods we have in each of them is the main question (and, since it touches on food in the household, not one I’m going to act unilaterally or critically on).