Saw this article floating around today on how to be a good house guest. It's … interesting.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/11/16/manners-etiquette-house-guest/
And, by "interesting" I mean "has some good ideas, but also ideas that would make a host or hostess feel kind of uncomfortable."
So, speaking as a host who has hosted many house guests for short, medium, and long stays, my commentary …
1. Send money for groceries.
No, don't. Really. Unless you are staying for longer than a week, then making a grocery run on your own credit card would be a nice gesture. Short of that, all I expect is haggling over who pays the bill if we go out. Really.
(Yes, even when I'm unemployed. If it was going to be a hardship, I'd let you know in advance.)
((I hope you like ramen.))
2. Show up on time.
Okay, that's basic politeness. Especially in this era of cell phones and texting. I'm usually going to make an effort to be at the house when you arrive, so if you're going to be significantly late (or, um, significantly early), do please let me know.
3. Bring a gift.
A gift is never necessary, and never expected, but always appreciated.
4. Keep your area neat.
You do not need to make your bed. Heck, if the guest room is a mess, just keep the door closed. Helping out with tidying in joint activities (e.g., dishes) is never amiss, but not required, though the next item …
5. Pitch in with the chores around the house.
That's a given that I always try to live by. But, also, be willing to back off if the host is saying, "No, please, sit down and relax."
6. Let your presence interfere as little as possible with your friend’s normal routine, household duties, and career.
That seems pretty basic. That said, your host should also give you some hint if you are interfering; if they are volunteering to take time off to hang with you, don't deny the offer.
7. Disclose your schedule.
If you are not doing stuff with your host, yes, let them know when you are planning on going on an outing and when you plan to be back. Pretty much the same as any other member of the household should.
8. Do not ignore your friend altogether.
Yes, if you're actually here to be doing something else … well, do say so ahead of time. If it's work related ("Hey, I'm in town on business, can I crash at your place?") that's one thing. If it's sight-seeing related ("Hey, we want to see the sights off on our own, can we crash at your place?"), consider what that sounds like.
9. Come with some ideas about what you want to do and see.
Yes. I will have suggestions or ideas, but I'm not a professional travel planner.
10. Even if you don’t find all the activities your host plans for you enjoyable, keep your disappointment to yourself.
Well, duh.
11. Don’t criticize your host’s hometown.
Ditto, well, duh. Discussing how your town is different from your host's is fun. Discussing how your town is superior to your host's is kind of a dickish thing to do (as a guest or as a host, for that matter).
(Ditto for comparing your house to your host's house.)
12. Always ask. Remember, you’re a guest.
I.e., don't go rummaging through drawers or rearranging the books on the shelf.
13. Don’t overstay your visit.
The "house guests and fish stink after three days" saying is a bit of an exaggeration, but remembering that guests are a disruption to the local routine (especially among introverted hosts) is basic politeness. If it's a longer-term stay, discussion of the house ground rules is probably in order so as to avoid conflicts, and expectations of devotion to time by the host should probably be lowered.
14. Strip the bed before your leave.
No, ask the host first. Ditto with pulling down the towels from the bathroom.
15. Write a thank you note.
I've never felt the need for a thank you note — at least, not if there was hearty and sincere thanks given at the door. (The more distant the relationship, though, the more a thank you note might be appropriate.)
Living in apartments for most of our lives Anne and I don't have much occasion to house guests other than when Courtney occasionally visits. Though there was that one time that Zilch came to stay with us for a few days as he made a trip around the country.
We've never really had a bad house guest experience (and have had some really good ones), so a lot of the above is more philosophical and personal than empirical.