{"id":8443,"date":"2005-11-15T08:41:26","date_gmt":"2005-11-15T15:41:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp\/2005\/11\/15\/the-ethical-slut.html"},"modified":"2005-11-15T08:41:26","modified_gmt":"2005-11-15T15:41:26","slug":"the_ethical_slu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/2005\/11\/15\/the_ethical_slu.html","title":{"rendered":"The Ethical Slut"},"content":{"rendered":"

A review of the — movement? blip? pioneers? advantage-takers? evolution? revolution? devolution? — of sexual mores and (formalized and outwardly expressed) experiments with what monogamy means and whether it’s the be-all and end-all<\/a>. (The title to this post comes from the glossary<\/a>, where it is defined as “a promiscuous person who strives to approach partners with respect and honesty.” The article discusses open marriages, open marriages with restrictions (e.g., the “above-the-waist” rule), trinogamy, polyamory, etc.<\/p>\n

Hrm.<\/p>\n

First off, anything in New York <\/em>magazine that describes a hot new trend must be greeted with a bit of suspicion. And, conversely, I suspect there’s a lot more carrying on of this sort than has been openly acknowledge (or written about in New York<\/em> magazine).<\/p>\n

That said, I have three reactions:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. In theory, whatever floats your boat. Open and agreed-upon rules for sexual conduct — bearing in mind the potential physical\/health issues of different sorts of behavior — are the purview of the individuals involved. Just ’cause it’s not my cuppa doesn’t make it wrong (hurting each other and betraying trusts makes it wrong).\n
  2. In practice, I suspect that some <\/em>folks (not necessarily all) get into such experimentation for less-than-upright (so to speak) reasons. The same may be said for traditional monogamy, too, of course, as with all human institutions. Still, the sanction to stray not only would seem to be suspect if sought after (or, for that matter, if too easily granted), but it would seem to move the bar and the temptation further. It’s easier to simply commit to avoiding sexual contact of any sort, rather than try to hold the line at “above the waist” (at least that’s what I recall from my own youth).<\/p>\n

    Also in practice, my experience (personal and observed) is that human relationships have a number of ways to go wrong, and the more intricate the relationships involved (including, in this case, numbers), the higher the likelihood of it all falling to pieces in a number of unsavory ways. If so many couples can’t work out their personal, financial, and\/or sexual lives together, how many more ways can a threesome come to grief? And given the social and economic and personal fall-out from such things, why stack the deck?<\/p>\n

    Again, though, that’s all pragmatic (and may be as much my own projections as anything else). Folks don’t seek my permission for who they get hitched with in the traditional sense; I’m hardly going to ask for it regarding who they invite, singly or multiply, into bed with them.<\/p>\n

  3. Personally, I’m a lazy guy. I’m also prone to temptation. Neither of which makes the work of balancing multiple partners of various sorts in the least bit attractive, except in the highly fantastical\/theoretical sense. Add to that my profound satisfaction with my own marriage (and leaving aside any sacred oaths I’ve made toward same), and I have utterly no interest in straying (or arranging for formally recognized and permitted straying).<\/ol>\n

    Your mileage may vary, of course. And I am, after all, quite the old fuddy-duddy, so bear that in mind, too.<\/p>\n

    (via BoingBoing<\/a>)<\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    A review of the — movement? blip? pioneers? advantage-takers? evolution? revolution? devolution? — of sexual mores and (formalized and outwardly expressed) experiments with what monogamy means and whether it’s the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[14,4,6,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8443","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-and-marriage","category-personal","category-science","category-zt-pc"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":133767,"url":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/2017\/06\/30\/all-marriages-are-equal-but-some-are-more-equal-than-others-in-texas.html","url_meta":{"origin":8443,"position":0},"title":"All marriages are equal, but some are more equal than others (in Texas)","author":"***Dave","date":"Fri 30-Jun-17 4:32pm","format":false,"excerpt":"The Texas Supreme Court has ruled that public agencies in the state are not obliged to offer the same benefits to spouses in same-sex marriages as in different-sex marriages. Though the US Supreme Court ruled in 2015 that states must allow same-sex marriage, Texas has decided that doesn't mean they\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "~PlusPosts"","block_context":{"text":"~PlusPosts","link":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/category\/blogging\/plusposts"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6839,"url":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/2004\/12\/21\/proof_of_harm.html","url_meta":{"origin":8443,"position":1},"title":"Proof of harm","author":"***Dave","date":"Tue 21-Dec-04 10:47am","format":false,"excerpt":"Gay marriage proponents have asked for proof that gay marriages will somehow harm straight marriages. The proof has finally been discovered: if your community starts marrying gays, the feds will...","rel":"","context":"In "LGBTQ &c"","block_context":{"text":"LGBTQ &c","link":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/category\/gay-stuff"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":13544,"url":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/2008\/11\/18\/turnabout_is_fair_play_on.html","url_meta":{"origin":8443,"position":2},"title":"Turnabout is fair play on marriage votes","author":"***Dave","date":"Tue 18-Nov-08 10:29am","format":false,"excerpt":"From NakedJen: I mean, that says it all. If we're going to let the majority vote on who gets a valid marriage and who doesn't, which group is next? I...","rel":"","context":"In "LGBTQ &c"","block_context":{"text":"LGBTQ &c","link":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/category\/gay-stuff"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/images\/marriage-vote2.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":29132,"url":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/2012\/08\/01\/the-latest-in-comic-book-celebrity-divorces.html","url_meta":{"origin":8443,"position":3},"title":"The latest in (comic book) celebrity divorces","author":"***Dave","date":"Wed 1-Aug-12 9:09am","format":false,"excerpt":"Comic book creators love weddings, but hate marriages. \u00a0Marriages tie down characters. \u00a0Marriages deter freeswinging romances. Marriages are pedestrian. Marriages are boring. Marriages are deeply feared by the young males that comic book companies are primarily-if-not-solely interested in.I can think of a single marriage in either DC or Marvel that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "~PlusPosts"","block_context":{"text":"~PlusPosts","link":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/category\/blogging\/plusposts"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/images0-focus-opensocial.googleusercontent.com\/gadgets\/proxy?container=focus&gadget=a&resize_h=100&url=http%3A%2F%2Fcomicbook.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F08%2Fblack-panther-storm-divorce-300x230.jpg","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":130900,"url":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/2016\/06\/17\/same-sex-coats-of-arms.html","url_meta":{"origin":8443,"position":4},"title":"Same-Sex Coats of Arms","author":"***Dave","date":"Fri 17-Jun-16 9:07pm","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the intriguing things to me about this era, where the acceptance of same-sex relationships is becoming institutionalized, is how pre-existing institutions themselves are dealing with them, in terms of practical application.So, for example, the UK College of Arms has now set up rules for same-sex male and female\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "~PlusPosts"","block_context":{"text":"~PlusPosts","link":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/category\/blogging\/plusposts"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":42348,"url":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/01\/the-incredible-fragility-of-mawwiage.html","url_meta":{"origin":8443,"position":5},"title":"The incredible fragility of Mawwiage","author":"***Dave","date":"Sun 1-Jun-14 12:34am","format":false,"excerpt":"I have been married now for 19 years. \u00a0To a lovely, wonderful, talented, charming woman.We have a child, a daughter 14 years of age. She is bright, beautiful, smart, and a joy.And yet, somehow, strangely, oddly, inexplicably, despite having a stable, productive, enjoyable marriage ... we know that there are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "~PlusPosts"","block_context":{"text":"~PlusPosts","link":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/category\/blogging\/plusposts"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/bondiSSMarriage.jpg.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8443","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8443"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8443\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8443"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8443"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hill-kleerup.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8443"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}