As in, several installments of 100 Words, from over my vacation:

But why is all the rum gone? – “Lead Us Not Into Temptation“

Nearly nobody noticed at first. When all the potable ethanol in the world was transformed into an innocuous, non-intoxicating liquid, as midnight rolled across the planet, the only folks who would have noticed were already drunk.

It wasn’t until the next day that the news got out, followed by claims of government conspiracies, aliens, angelic intervention, demonic intervention, global warming, and a host of other frantic explanations.

Within a few weeks, though, concerns had mellowed. Folks realized that loss of booze was, in fact, a good thing.

Now, when all the genitalia disappeared – that’s when the terrestrial mood got ugly.

Tell us about an unusual way to express your love. – “A Working Relationship“

“Sweety,” Chrys said, suddenly frozen. “If I said there was an enchanted Yao Ren scorpion on your shoulder, what would you say?”

“Um –” Roger was still. “I’d hope it was a punchline to an old family joke?”

“Don’t – move –” Her left hand slowly dipped into a slacks pocket. The scorpion twitched.

“Bad angle,” Chrys muttered, then her hand snapped forward. The thrown blade took the scorpion dead-center. It vanished in a green flash and a whiff of copper.

Roger exhaled in a slow shudder. “I love you, honey.”

She smiled, thinly, a gleam in her eyes. “You better.”

(A Donne & Donne tale, and the top-rated story for that 100 Words session)

The subject line of some spam I received began with, “Gods Do Not Drink Alcohol While Pregnant…”. From what else should gods refrain? – “It Works Both Ways“

“Gods,” the large, burly gent in a toga intoned thick-tongued, swaying slightly, “do not drink alcohol while pregnant.”

“So no problem for you,” Roger said, conversationally.

“You’d be surprised.” The deity belched, profoundly. “Nothin’ much beyond our powers.”

The bronze krator smashed into the laurel-crowned back of his head. The deity toppled over and crashed to the floor, out like a light.

“What took you?” Roger asked.

Chrys snorted. “Finally figured out he’s the kiddie murderer. Jerk’s so plastered, he didn’t even get the saying right. It’s ‘Gods shouldn’t kill babies while drunk.'”

Roger shuddered, and started dialing the cops.

(A Donne & Donne story)

Why is this man getting a state funeral? – “Hero“

He died a hero, they said. Served in the Marines — saved his platoon and a dozen innocent hostages. Ran for office when he got out, eventually got elected to the House, finally the Senate. Became the VP twelve years later, after his Independence Day speech saved the election for the man who became President.

And, of course, there was that final, fateful day, when he took a bullet for the Pope.

He died a hero.

But none of that’s the real reason he got the state funeral. Only three people know why, and none of them were mentioned above.

Your free association word of the day is polished. – “My Big Date with a Surfer Dude“

“Are you sure about this?” Alicia asked. “I mean, blind dates are always tricky, but — well, I’ve heard some funny things about this guy.”

“Don’t be so grim,” Sue said, adjusting Alicia’s dress. “You’ll love him. He’s so — polished.”

At that point, the gent under discussion flew into the room atop a gleaming surfboard. His silvery metallic skin was spotless, buffed and burnished to the point where it almost glowed on its own.

Of course, it would have helped a lot if Alicia could actually see him, Sue thought. Ah, well. I’m sure their evening will be fantastic.