We can quit any time we want to!
Quiz by Shane Snow, at Gizmodo.
Are You Addicted to Technology?
Like other substance addicts, tech-crazed geeks live in a state of denial. Let’s face it, if you’re reading Gizmodo, you’re probably addicted to technology to some degree.
What about if you’re reading Gizmodo in an RSS reader? Uh-oh …
But just how addicted are you? Take this simple test to find out.
Answer each of the 50 questions below and give yourself one point per question you answer “yes” to. At the end, score yourself. Be honest, this is just for your own benefit… until you report your shocking score in comments, that is.
Or blog about it. Uh-oh …
1. Do you eat most of your meals while at the computer or in front of the television?
I’m usually at my computer at home. I’m not infrequently on my computer while eating dinner, or else the TV is on. Count this one as Yes.
2. Do you sometimes bring your laptop when you sit on the toilet?
No. (Sighs relief he didn’t ask about my Blackberry.)
3. Do you check your feeds more than 1x per hour?
Sometimes. If I’m at the computer. If I’m not, then no. Sure.
4. Do you make a nervous habit out of refreshing your inbox over and over, just in case someone emailed you in the last 45 seconds?
Not unless I am explicitly expecting a message from someone.
5. Can you not remember the last time you didn’t check online reviews before eating at a new restaurant?
I never do that.
6. Do you freak out if you’re in a car and there’s no GPS?
No. Though if I’m going someplace I’m not familiar with, I like to use either “Sheila” our GPS, or else Google Maps on my Blackberry.
7. Does the verb “tweet” come up regularly in your real-life conversations?
Um … yes.
8. Have you ever changed vacation plans based on wi-fi availability?
No. But I usually look up wi-fi availability where we’re going.
9. Are there more than two portable electronic devices within reach right now?
Laptop. Blackberry. No, not more than two.
10. If your house were on fire, would you run in to rescue your laptop?
No. My laptop is backed up continuously via Backblaze to an offsite server. So there!
11. Are you closer with some online-only friends than people you actually see in real life?
There are some folks I assocate with online that are closer than, say, my office mates. I’ll call this a yes, just to be fair.
12. Are you pretty sure you’d have killed yourself if you lived in the days before Internet?
Dude, I grew up in the days before the Internet. (Just don’t ask me if I would have killed someone else in order to get early access to it.)
13. Do you buy things online that you could easily drive across town to get in person?
Yes. One-click on Amazon with Amazon Prime free 2-day shipping is a hell of a lot easier than schlepping over to Buns & Noodle or Best Buy.
14. Do “electronics” have their own category in your monthly budget?
No.
15. Are you a member of any sort of online “guild?”
Not any more. I serve my time.
16. Do you answer questions in support forums when you’re bored?
No.
17. Do you bring your smartphone with you to church?
I do, but I don’t use it there. Well, sometimes to mark down dates in my calendar. I will go ahead and take that as a yes.
18. Do you own 3 or more video gaming systems? (Oh come on, portables count.)
Wii. Playstation 1 in the basement, though I don’t play that. The Nintendo is Kitten’s. I do my gaming on my computer, but that “doesn’t count.” So no.
19. Do you have multiple t-shirts with references to Internet memes, linux, or webcomics?
Oh, yeah.
20. Do you know what the word “meme” means, for that matter?
Oh, yeah.
21. Has your significant other (or mom, if applicable) ever banned you from your smartphone?
No.
22. Do you spend more time on Facebook than you do in the presence of actual people?
God, no. Hate Facebook. Would never go on it, except to the extent that it is socially necessary for some contacts.
23. Are you currently in a virtual relationship? (WOW, Second Life, etc)
No. I game with my wife, for the most part.
24. Do you have 3 or more active social media accounts?
Hmmm. I actually have three active Twitter streams, though one of them is a utility for moving data from here to there. I do have a Facebook account I check out weekly. So … yeah.
25. When something happens in your life, is your first thought usually “How can I fit this into 140 characters?”
Mmmmmmmm … sometimes.
26. Do you need multiple wall outlets to charge all your stuff at night?
No, only one thing gets charged (my Blackberry).
27. When you sit down in a coffeeshop, do you tend to position yourself close to a power outlet “just in case”?
No. Though I usually keep an eye out at airports.
28. Do you generally spend most of your day looking at a computer screen and then go home… only to look at a computer screen for the rest of the night?
Well … yes.
29. Have phrases like “BRB” and “ROFL” worked their way into your real vocabulary?
Okay, sometimes, yes, though often ironically.
30. Do you often skip meals because you’ve lost track of time in front of the computer?
No. Kind of which I did.
31. Do you call people by their screen names when you see them in real life?
Almost, in a couple of cases. I’ll say yes, just to be fun.
32. Do you have more than five tabs open in your browser right now?
19, so yes. And that’s on my home laptop, and just in Firefox.
33. Are there more than three screens of some kind in the room you’re in right now?
My laptop. Margie’s computer. The TV. Kitten’s laptop (though that’s closed). My work laptop (in my briefcase). Still, I’ll say yes.
34. Are there more computers in your house than there are people?
My personal laptop. My work laptop. Kitten’s laptop. Margie’s computer. Margie’s old computer. (Temporarily) my old work laptop. So … yes.
35. Do you tweet or read blogs while watching movies at home?
It’s been known to happen, though only if it’s not a great movie.
36. Do you put your phone on vibrate at the movie theater rather than turn it off, even though you’re not expecting anything important?
Yes, because I’m technically on call 24×7.
37. Have you ever turned down a romantic encounter in order to play video games?
Definitely not. Don;t be silly.
38. Does your Internet usage cut into the time you should be spending on personal hygiene?
No. It cuts into the time I should be spending on household cleaning.
39. When you see the last names Cerf, Otellini, Ballmer and Berners-Lee, do you know who is being mentioned?
Not all of them, no.
40. Do you ever leave your laptop open in social settings, even though you aren’t actually doing anything on it?
Sometimes, to show people stuff. So, yes.
41. Have you ever had a dream where you were surfing the Internet?
No.
42. Can you type text messages faster than you can handwrite the same words?
No … but it’s still more legible (even with typos) than I can handwrite. And I can text longer than I can handwrite any more.
43. Have you ever left an event or date early so you could get online?
There may have been some moments in the past where there was some event we were scheduled to do in CoH where we jetted early from something, but, no, not in the sense that’s intended.
44. Would you classify yourself as an “expert” multitasker?
Probably yes, though I’m feeling my age. “Veteran” multitasker, maybe.
45. Can you read machine code?
Nope.
46. Do you regularly have to put blocks of ice, portable fans, or frozen packages of hash browns on or near your computer to keep it cool?
No, but I have to make sure I leave the vents clear from junk.
47. Do you have carpal tunnel syndrome?
God forbid.
48. Do you keep multiple webcams around your house?
I have a webcam on my laptop, but I never (thus far) use it.
49. Are you up on the computer past 3am at least once a week?
Since I get up at 5 to go to work, that would be fairly insane. And Margie would mock me. So, no. Though if I were independently wealthy, I probably would.
50. Did you make it all the way to the end of this quiz?
But of course!
So, final score: 17.
Scores:
0-1: Clean as a Whistle – You are either 95 years old, or you lie compulsively to make yourself feel better about your internet addiction. Sorry to call you out like that.
2-9: Social Drinker – You’re not great with technology, but dabble. You probably play sports and actually have a significant other. Either that or you’ve recently been released from Internet rehab and haven’t slipped back to the old ways yet.
10-19: Coffee Fiend – You’re about as plugged in as the next person—but you gotta have your daily fix. Let’s face it, gadgets are everywhere nowadays, right? That’s what you tell yourself at least, but what you don’t know is everyone calls you “nerd breath” behind your back.
20-29: Chainsmoker – You recognize that you’re a little too plugged in, and you’re trying to quit. Your tech addictions are starting to ruin your social interactions, between signing out of the real world every 10 seconds and stinking up the room when you enter. Take this as your cue to shower.
30-39: Pothead – You’re addicted, but you have no desire to quit. There’s a box of Ho Hos on the desk, and you had to brush Cheeto dust off the keyboard to log into your computer, which you keep password protected with heavy encryption. You hurried through this quiz because your guild is waiting for you in the other window. You really should consider counseling.
40-49: Crackhead – You get all shaky when you think about technology, always searching for your next fix. You’ve considered constructing a biotech bathtub for your body to lie in, so you can plug your consciousness permanently into the Internet. Family members are planning to stage an intervention and check you into a clinic. You look forward to the shock therapy.
50: Permafried – There’s no higher brain activity going on anymore. Doctors should prescribe you video games and/or marijuana for medicinal purposes. Just to keep you from flat lining.
So, yes, I have enough Real Life I participate in to avoid being too badly addicted.
Whew!
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