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Stages of grieving

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ On Death and Dying identified five stages that a dying person goes through when they are told they have a terminal illness. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining,…

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ On Death and Dying identified five stages that a dying person goes through when they are told they have a terminal illness. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Those stages have been applied as well (though, some would argue, incorrectly) to those who have suffered a loss.

In looking at my own feelings on today’s terrorist attacks, and the reactions I hear from those around me, I see this happening.

1. Denial: “Oh, no!” “Oh, you must be mistaken — I’ll check on the news myself.” “Man, I can’t believe this is happening!” “This is a crazy world we live in! [i.e., this didn’t happen for a reason]” “Those people are nuts. [ditto]”

2. Anger: “We should bomb them [which “them”?] back to the stone age!” “We need to find those guys and hang them by their thumbs!” “How could God have allowed this to happen?” “Where were the FBI? Why didn’t the government protect us?”

3. Bargaining: “How can we stop this from happening?” “If we spend this money, take this action, pass this law, impose these restrictions, can we make it go away?”

4. Depression: “It’s just going to get worse.” “This is only the beginning.” “People are animals.”

5. Acceptance: “Okay … where do we go from here?”

Think about it. And when you hear our leaders talking about this, try to figure out which step they’re in — or which step is being pandered to.

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