Since time immemorial (when I was growing up), kids were admonished at the dinner table, in no uncertain terms, “Don’t play with your food!”
Now Heinz contributes to the heat death of Western Civilization by insisting that black is white, good is evil, freedom is slavery, and playing with your food is a thing to be encouraged.
The evil tool being used to this end? Heinz EZ Squirt Mystery Color Ketchup. Inside of the bottles is ketchup in Awesome Orange, Passion Pink, and Totally Teal.
(As an aside, I once read that SF movies use blue for foods because it’s not a natural color for food here on earth, a few odd berries notwithstanding. What does that say about teal ketchup? For that matter what does it say about Heinz ketchup that it is so easy for them to screw around with its colors?)
The real trick here is that you can’t tell what color it is until you open it (the store prefers that you open it at home, not there). So you have no clue. Literally.
“Thanks to its cool curves & thin nozzle, EZ Squirt gives kids the opportunity to be artists at the table, expressing their creativity by drawing with bright colors.”
Families that buy two or more bottles may find they have different colors, allowing pint-sized Picassos to blend one Mystery Color with another. They’ll also enjoy the same benefits consumers have come to expect from this popular kid condiment. Heinz EZ Squirt Mystery Color boasts a special nozzle for accuracy and an ergonomic shape designed so smaller hands can hold on tight, allowing them to create mealtime masterpieces. And for little fries [or, more likely, their parents] who want no surprise, try regular red Heinz Tomato Ketchup in the fun EZ Squirt bottle.
Mercifully, this “promotion” will end … eventually. “Only 1 million bottles of Heinz EZ Squirt Mystery Color are being produced, for a limited time. When they’re gone, they’re gone.”
One can but hope.
(That’s actually not true. The three mystery colors will then be voted upon on the Internet, the winner joining the pantheon of “Colors Not Found in Nature, or at Least Not in Tomatoes” that Heinz proudly sells.)
(Via Blather)
Funny thing is…
It’s my mom who went all artsy with the ketchup, night-before-last. She was getting mad that the mustard tip didn’t quite work as well.
I met my ex-boyfriend at a luncheon wherein I drew a dragon on my plate out of ketchup…
We play table chess regularly. Food as fun is high art in my folks’ house.
Once I’m confident Katherine will not use the concept of decorating with ketchup to decorate the table, rug, and pets, that’s fine … within limits, while she’s in this household.
But in red. Red is fine. Just … red. Or, if she needs yellow, with mustard. 🙂
(Says, once again, Dave the Husband)
What do they do to get rid of the red? Bleach it? Use white tomatoes? Blech.
[Channeled from Dave the Husband]
I suspect that actual ketchup would be sort of a watery light red, and that its color is enhanced through dyes. So be it, but you can then probably override that with enough other dyes. But teal?!
spread not the teal on the bread rolls…