Those who forget the past …

Way back in September, we went through a long, tortured process with Qwest Qworst in a vain attempt to get DSL at our house. Our Baby Bell insisted DSL was, in fact, available to us when we approached them directly to provision it (oddly enough, they had rejected it when we tried to go through a third party, but I rightly guessed they’d be much more enthusiastic if we tried to go directly to them). So they said, “Sure, it will work great from your house,” and they started the service and sent us the hardware and spent many tech support hours as we tried to figure out why the hardware didn’t detect a DSL signal and then spent many field service hours over a few days as wiring technicians came to our house and tested the lines and ran an alternate line to the house from the phone box in the backyard and tried and tested and toned and finally …

… reported back that the signal was far too weak, and that the order should never have been processed and that, in fact, somebody had had to override the “this won’t work” flag in the ordering system to get the order processed.

Margie called up Qworst and got them to throw us a bone on our billing. And, a few months later, after a couple of further phone calls, they sent more service folks out to get rid of the phone line left draped across our back yard.

Flash forward to the present …

My phone at the office rings. It’s Margie. Pleasant conversation ensues. Then she says, “Guess who’s playing in the backyard?”

Is this a trick question? “Katherine?”

“No, she’s down for a nap.” Silence. “I’ll give you a hint. They’re at the back of the lot, playing with the box.”

I flash on an image of Jake and Dizzy worrying a big cardboard box to pieces in the back yard. Before I can ask why the dogs are visiting, Margie says, “It’s US Qworst. They’re installing DSL next door. And guess what — <sarcasm>they’re having problems</sarcasm>.”

Now, I’d like to think that Qworst is simply so inept and incompetent in their record-keeping that nobody flagged our phone segment as too staticky or far from the CO or whatever for DSL to be provisioned through it, even after the September debacle.

Margie is less charitible. She thinks they simply stand to make money off a few months of service and (since it’s only by serious haranguing that you can get them to refund the money already paid for service that never worked — and even then, they’ve made some bucks off the float).

And it occurs to me that the field techs they sent out for us (and, presumably, again) were not actual Qworst techs, but from a contractor of Qworst’s. And if Qworst only has to pay when the problem is resolved ….

Margie calls that fraud.

Well. One way or the other, we’ll have to have a chat with the neighbors.

And who knows. Maybe they’ve solved the problem, and DSL can be provisioned to our house, too.

And maybe CEOs of Qworst, Micro$oft, and VeriSign will all hire me to solve their customer relations difficulties.

Guess which is most likely to happen first.