- You go upstairs to recover your daughter from her nap, only to discover that she’s made another stab at performance art, using her own bodily products as the materials, and the walls, door, bed and other furniture as her canvas. You …
- … explain in calm but firm tones that this is not acceptable behavior.
- … duct tape her to the potty while you clean up her room. Again.
- … call your spouse at work, informing said spouse in No Uncertain Terms that You Are Owed Big-Time For This.
- … apply for a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.
- Your child awakens at 4 in the morning, expressing a desire to visit the potty. Suggestions that she use her own bathroom, rather than Mommy & Daddy’s bathroom, are met with agonizing wails best suited for the tortured souls of the damned. You …
- … insist that she use the potty in her own bathroom.
- … wince at the too-loud-too-early and cave in to her demands.
- … lock her in her room with a potty seat.
- … stand there confused for a while, wondering what the hell you’re doing up at this ungodly hour.
- You are running some errands, and your toddler has decided that the Bestest Game is to Run Away As Fast As She Can, Preferably Toward That Glassware Over There. You …
- … catch her and hold her tight, giving her a Time Out in your arms.
- … catch her and storm out of the store, fuming like Vesuvius.
- … catch her and duct tape her into the shopping cart.
- … gaze lovingly upon her as she wreaks havoc, marveling at her independent spirit and irrepressable scaliwaginess.
- You stub your toe something godawful and, restraining the natural cursing that would follow, explain to your toddler that you have a boo-boo. She kisses it and gives you a hug. You …
- … wince as she steps on your sore toe.
- … point out rather peevishly that you stubbed your toe on some toy she left out.
- … point out that kissing boo-boos is likely to spread germs to any wound there.
- … count yourself the luckiest parent in the world, regardless of #1-3.
Check back in twenty years for the scoring.
46 view(s)
One reason I am not a parent:
Duct Tape.
That would be my answer.
I am a parent. That is why I try not to have duct tape around my house. At least there isn’t anymore. Heh…
lol…
I am a parent and duct tape is the answer to all four questions. 🙂
Duct tape is, indeed, the correct answer – except for #4. For #4 you hug your kid and thank your lucky stars that she is so sweet. Of course, the next time it happens she will laugh hysterically and cry when you stop whincing. Then it’s time for the duct tape
Actually, I was thinking on this, and I might make parent material after all – my cats annoy the beetjuice out of me, and I’ve never resorted to duct tape with them…
We play ‘kittie curling’ once in a while when I take out all my frustrations running around shouting and chasing them with a broom…. (one of my monsters actually likes this – I think he is an adrenaline junkie – he likes water, too. the other just gets really small and hopes I don’t see him until the broom goes away.)
LOL! You live with my daughters?!