Books on Tape

I’ve been having mixed luck with the Books on Tape regimen driving to and from the office. When it’s good, it’s a heck of a lot more relaxing than listening to the news, a lot more engaging than listening to music, and a hell of a lot more intelligent than listening to drive-time chatter. When it’s bad, it’s … not.

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The good news is, this unabridged audio of Ellis Peter’s Cadfael novel, The Confession of Brother Haluin, is excellent. The bad news is, the version I listened to (from the library) is not the version currently offered on tape, above, but this one, narrated by Patrick Tull, now sadly out of print and not showing up anywhere on Google.

The story mixes religious devotion of 12th Century Benedictines with — as is usual in Cadfael novels — a murder mystery. Unlike most of the series, though, most of the action takes place away from the abbey, on a pilgrimage wherein a cripped brother, escorted by Cadfael, attempts to atone for evils he has committed. And the murder, in this case, is almost incidental to the other, greater mystery and drama going on.

It’s one of my favorite Cadfael books. And Tull’s narration (he’s did a number of other Cadfael books, and many others) is excellent. Even though older and a bit harsh-voiced, he manages a richness and variation in tone that plows through even long narrative bits without being boring, and lets him convincingly play everything from youths to women to old men. His equally-fine rendition of the Cadfael Summer of the Danes is still available. I’ll be remembering his name as I look for other BoTs.

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There may be a bigger, more jarring leap available out there than between The Confession of Brother Haluin and Laurell Hamilton’s Seduced by Moonlight, but I’d be hard-pressed to think of it. From a tale of 12th Century monks to modern-day faeries in LA, from gentility to crudity, from nunneries to sex, from forced marriages to …

Well, there are some aspects that aren’t that much different, in substance if not in tone.

I enjoy Hamilton’s works, though the Merrie Gentry series less than the Anita Blake one. But while Laural Merlington does a good job narrating as Gentry, the book is too thick, too full of interminable narrative and exposition, especially toward the beginning. The abridged version might work better, in that way, except that there’s so much backstory that needs explaining (in-between the sex) that it’s difficult enough to understand as it is.

The other failing touch is that while Merlington’s has Merrie’s voice down, she simply cannot do men’s voices well — certainly not anyone with a deep voice. Cross-gender voices are difficult to pull off in a recorded medium, and it just doesn’t quite work here. Which, given the number of guys Merrie’s fooling aorund with, is a problem.

I think this one’s a better book than a tape.

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I asked yesterday whatever happened to all the Star Trek fiction. I think I found part of my answer.

Star Trek: Spectre is either evidence that Bill Shatner cannot write, or that he cannot hire a decent ghost writer. On my worst day as an author, at my most ill-plotting and melodramatic and awkward and pretentious (all of which I manage to achieve high levels in when I’m not careful, and sometimes when I am), I don’t come near to the crowning achievements in this novel.

Now throw in Bill Shatner doing the narration. And cheesy sound effects.

Let’s see — in the first 20 minutes or so of this 2-cassette abridgement, we have mysterious people declaring that “James … Tiberius … Kirk … will … die!” We have some leaden comedy involving a tree stump and a romantic scene with Kirk’s Klingon wife, we have Jean-Luc Picard and the Enterprise, and we have the return of Voyager. All of it intoned with Shatner’s trademark bombast and smugness.

That was enough for me. When Shatner made Riker sound even less interesting than Frakes usually did, I’d had enough. It had moved beyond amusing to just too damned irritating for words.

It may be that this turns into a fabulous novel at 30 minutes in or so, but I wouldn’t count on it. The synopsis mentions that we get a return of Spock. And McCoy. And the Mirror Universe folk. No mention of kitchen sinks.

The jacket intones:

William Shatner has once again brought his unique blend of talents as actor, writer, director, and producer to continue the saga of Jim Kirk’s remarkable second life, as an insidious menace from his past threatens a new generation of heroes…

“Unique” is doubtless the right word here. “Insidious” also fits, though perhaps not as intended.

An unforgettable saga peopled by old friends and ancient enemies, Star Trek® Spectre propels Kirk on a journey of self-discovery every bit as harrowing as the cataclysmic new adventure that awaits him.

“Unforgettable,” alas, yes. “Harrowing” and “cataclysmic” — oh, yeah.

Gack. Escape in the life pods while you can.