Perhaps a nice outfit with concentric circles on the back?

Um, isn’t the idea of plainclothes air marshals riding on flights to keep the flights safe, by being invisible to potential terrorists/hijackers until they strike (or by creating a level of uncertainty as to whether there are air marshals aboard at all)?

No, evidently the idea is to make sure they look good and professional.

A Thanksgiving Day morale booster for federal air marshals has instead turned into possible pink slips for air cops who ignore their strict dress code.

Thomas Quinn, director of the Federal Air Marshal Service (FAMS), paid a surprise visit to Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport on Thanksgiving to thank the law-enforcement officials for their holiday work. He reportedly was angered when nearly 30 marshals deplaned and only one was dressed satisfactorily.

In response, supervisors are being assigned to airports nationwide to inspect the air cops before and after flights to make sure business suits or sports coats are being worn ….

Allow me to say that I don’t give a tinker’s damn what the air marshals aboard my flight wear, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of drawing their weapon. Really. None at all.

Oh, I suppose there might be a minor consideration of whether, when Agent Smith leaps to his feet and shouts, “Federal Marshal, down on the floor!” it’s possible that, despite the gun and badge being brandished, if Agent Smith has spiky green hair, tattered jeans, and a Death Metal Roolz t-shirt, folks might hesitate to believe him/her for a few moments. But that doesn’t mean tux and tails (or suit and tie) are, by any stretch of the imagination, necessary. Or even desirable.

One air marshal who asked not to be identified called it “ridiculous” that marshals are expected to blend in with holiday travelers by wearing a suit. “On Thanksgiving Day, travelers don’t wear business suits to visit family and friends,” the marshal said.

[…] Marshals say the strict code does not take climate into consideration. In the Miami heat, marshals are required to keep their suit coats on at all times, yet in Pittsburgh, agents are forbidden from wearing overcoats in cold weather.

Because that’s certainly inconspicuous.

One memo from the Miami FAMS field office says: “Effective immediately, rotating [supervisors] will be assigned to and will be present in each of our airports every day.

“I am particularly concerned about the general appearance of some FAMs and that will be one of the factors I expect supervisors to observe and report … A professional appearance means well-groomed and wearing neat and clean clothing ? not rumpled, wrinkled, mismatched, etc.”

If that were all, that would probably be okay. These guys don’t need to look they’re undercover winos or something — but, again, the main point of general appearance should be being inconspicuous first, professional second.

The dress code for marshals is described in a separate field-office memo as “conservative male or female attire, such as that worn by business persons in first-class seating,” a business suit, or sports coat with dress pants and tie, or sports coat with dress pants and collared shirt.

The memo issued from the New York field office requires marshals flying into Washington to also wear ties.

“FAMS will present a professional image and blend into their environment by maintaining a standard of dress that enables them to perform their mission without drawing undue attention to themselves,” the New York memo says.

Marshals in one field office were warned not to “get caught” without jackets, while another office warned that supervisors who do not properly monitor the dress code also will be subject to disciplinary action.

If it is a flight into a location where a lot of folks where suits and ties (e.g., flying into/out of DC on early morning or evening flights), wearing suits and ties makes perfect sense, because it makes you, yes, inconspicuous. Doing it just pro forma, though, because “It’s better to look good than to be good” (as Fernando used to say) is ludicrous.

And, sadly, it’s not just posturing, but is policy that’s being followed through with:

Two marshals were yanked from a flight in July for not wearing suits or sports coats and a third marshal faces three days of suspension in January for not wearing a jacket before two flights in July.

[…] Pulling air cops from flight duty because of attire puts a strain on an agency already stretched for manpower, say marshals, who cover less than 2 percent of an estimated 30,000 daily flights. Suspending one marshal means the suspension of an entire team, which can affect two to four flights per day, the second marshal said.

I guess concerns about terrorists are passe, if there’s time enough to be so concerned about a formal dress code.

I’ll have to play the Spot the Agent guessing game while we’re traveling this season.