Comics ages

From this weeks Top5 Little Fivers Comics edition.

NOTE FROM THE MODERATOR: I ran across a fascinating article on the various “ages” of comic books. Apparently certain terms such “Golden Age” and “Silver Age” are not, for serious literary studies of the genre, accurate delineators of the various trends in comicdom. This article is a discussion of how to properly assign dates and names to “ages” of comics.

The Top 10 Rejected Ages of Comic Books

10. The Logan Age: A period marked by an infinite number of Wolverine guest appearances in an infinite number of issues.

9. The Old Age of Comics: When Superman started wearing his red shorts hiked up to his armpits and spent most of his adventures yelling at seals to get off the Fortress’s lawn.

8. The Act-Your Age: The period between 20 and 30 when you give in to your girlfriend and Stop Spending So Much Money on Those Damned Things.

7. The Ultimate Age: When retelling the same stories from 40 years ago is OK.

6. The Polybag Age: The time when the collector realizes that his comics might be worth something someday.

5. The Cobweb Age: The long period between the start of a new Image title and the actual release date of the second issue.

4. The Hostess Age: A period denoted by the inability of villains to resist tasty fruit pies tossed at them by heroes.

3. The Space Wars Age: The time where the Aliens or the Predators fight damn near everyone except Archie and Little Lotta.

2. The Super Prismatic Glow-in-the-Dark Mylar Embossed Foil Age: The time when one comic was released per month, but with 127 different variant covers.

… and the Number 1 Rejected Age of Comic Books …

1. The Stan Lee Age: A period in which a very talented young man created some of the most memorable characters in comic bo– (Per court order, 10% of this list item has been paid directly to Mr. Lee.)

Copyright 2005 by Chris White. Steven Wilber, Pomeroy, WA (1); Dave Hill, Centennial, CO (2, 8); Marc Berard, Central Falls, RI (2, 5); Matt Hurlburt, Stow, OH (2); Steve Theberge, Plaistow, NH (2, 7); Guy Payne, Birmingham, AL (3); Douglas Ward, Harrisburg, PA (4, 10); Craig Israel, Cleveland, OH (6); Jeremy Bleichman, Fair Lawn, NJ (9); Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL (Moderator).

For the record, my original answers, as submitted:

• The Actyour Age – The period between 20 and 30 when you give into your girlfriend and “Stop Spending So Much Money On Those Damned Things!”
• The Gritty Age – “Heroes? We don’ need no steenkin’ heroes!”
• The Balloon Age – The rise and fall of Image Comics.
• The Super Prismatic Glow-in-the-Dark Mylar Age – When Alternate Covers Ruled The Earth!