Month: April 2006

Okay, remember Aliens, and all the cool Space Marines scenes? Now, imagine someone deciding to make a movie all about them, but without any imagination or sense of character or literature or anything else.

That’s Doom.

Or, maybe, think about Predator. Not exactly Citizen Kane, right? Now, dumb it down about 90%, and you have Doom.

The movie starts out — indeed, lasts about 85% of its length as simply a sub-normal D&D adventure. No, really, I’ve played in modules like this. Thin excuses for violence, FX, and character conflict, then throw in Nasty Aliens and Evil Conspiracies and Big Weapons, only make all of them really juvenile (if exceedingly bloody), and you have Doom.

There is, supposedly, backstory for what’s going on, for some of the character conflicts, who these soldiers are, where the action takes place, the history of the place, the underlying reasons for it all. But, ultimately, that’s not really necessary to the story, and so gets the shortest of shrifts. We are here, after all, to see things chew up people, and, in turn, get blown up by weapons fire and explosives.

So things kind of limp along in a fascinating don’t watch too closely or else you’ll realize this is even more stupid than you thought fashion.Until you get to that 85% point. Then things get … well, then the movie turns into a First Person Shooter — literally — for several minutes, becoming a self-parody of the highest (if that adjective can ever apply to this movie) order. Followed by … well, stuff that makes the first part look like Predator in sophistication, if not actually Citizen Kane.

I didn’t have much better to watch or do or pick (nose included) for my dinner on my airline flight, but that’s about the only conditions I could imagine recommending this dog to. Play the game. It’s more interesting. And has better characterization. Really.