The Bush Administration is trying to put the Abramoff scandal behind it once and for all by claiming that some of the information about when Abramoff actually visited the White House is, in fact TOP SECRET!!!
The administration agreed last year to produce all responsive records about the visits “without redactions or claims of exemption,” according to a court order.
But in a court filing Friday night, administration lawyers said that the Secret Service has identified a category of highly sensitive documents that might contain information sought in a lawsuit about Abramoff’s trips to the White House.
The Justice Department, citing a Cold War-era court ruling, declared that the contents of the “Sensitive Security Records” cannot be publicly revealed even though they could show whether Abramoff made more visits to the White House than those already acknowledged.
“The simple act of doing so … would reveal sensitive information about the methods used by the Secret Service to carry out its protective function,” the Justice Department argued.
“See, the TOP SECRET transponders we’ve implanted in every person in the US are, as described, TOP SECRET, and therefore we can’t admit that they’re there.”
Or, maybe, “The fact that we have videotapes of Mr Abramoff entering the White House from the far end of the secret tunnel that runs to that little love nest a few blocks away — hey, blame Jack Kennedy for that one — would reveal that said love nest actually exists, which would make it harder for us to protect the president when he’s visiting there.”
In an attempt to bolster its case, the Justice Department is citing a lawsuit on a secret operation of the Cold War, the attempted raising of a sunken Soviet submarine. In a 1976 ruling, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit allowed the CIA to refuse to confirm or deny its ties to Howard Hughes’ submarine retrieval ship, the Glomar Explorer.
“A refusal to either confirm or deny the existence of responsive records is a well-recognized and accepted response in circumstances such as these,” the Bush administration’s court filing states.
“Because, goshdarnit, covert military and intelligence operations during the Cold War are certainly no more important than, say, Bush and Abramoff tossing back a few hitherto-undisclosed brewskis in the Lincoln Bedroom.”
Do you think they can actually wear “Justice Department” badges with, y’know, a straight face?