Joe the “Why Is This Guy Still Talking?”er

Joe (Samuel Wurzelbacher) the Plumber (not) was interviewed by Christianity Today. The breadth and depth of his profundity can be found in this question:

In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level? 

At a state level, it’s up to them. I don’t want it to be a federal thing.

Which is consistent on his other statements (e.g., on abortion). It’s difficult to tell how sincere Joe is here, since social conservatives often argue for federal legislation when they think they have the majority there, but states rights when they’re losing the national stage.

I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that.

It’s not clear here whether Joe is suggesting that gay people are strange and unusual, that “queer” is not a slur because it’s descriptive (would “whitey” be better?), or that homosexuality is wrong because we call gays “queer.” (Joe, here’s a hint: the dictionary is decriptive, not prescriptive.)

You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do—what man and woman are for.

Joe, welcome to America, where we don’t actually make laws based on what someone pronounces God says.

Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins.

Fair enough, even nuanced. Accepting people as people, and loving folks, does not mean we check our conscience at the door or ignore wrongdoing.

I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.

Wow. Those are some … um … great friends.

Let’s read that again.

I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.

So let me get this straight, Joe:

1. You have friends who you wouldn’t let near your children. And they know this. And you know this. Do you often make friends with people you can’t trust near children? Why are these people your friends, if they are capable of such implied heinous crimes? I mean, I’d find it very hard to be friends with someone if I thought they were a child molester.
2. So these friends actually homosexual — not just pretending to be, or rumored to be, or just a bit swishy, or maybe toying with the idea?

3. Should any gay people be let anywhere near any children, Joe? How do you propose addressing that?

4. And they’re actually your friends still? How would you feel if someone said, “Yeah, Joe, he’s a friend of mine, but I wouldn’t let him near my children”? Would you still actually consider that person a friend?

But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing.

As long as the state they live in says it’s okay, and as long as they don’t do it around your children. Got it, Joe.