As commenters at the original post noted, a lot of these (e.g., #2) are framed in a way that simply turns them into common courtesy. As suggestions (or as "introverts are more likely than extroverts to slink away, get overstressed, or have their day ruined if you don't …" kind of a thing, it works a bit better.
As a moderately compensated deep introvert, I'd say that most of these apply to me. A few of them — #3, 6, 7 — seem more "expectations" sensitive, which certainly fits with me but isn't necessarily what I associate with my introversion.
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Agreed. I tend to be more introverted myself and being married into a family of extroverts I find that I wish my ILs would appreciate most of these for me. Especially 12…it seems that if I am by myself and quiet (hell even if I am reading a book) everyone descends on me and asks me what is wrong and if I am ok because I don't want to be around everyone else and laugh and drink alcohol. After 10 years they still annoy me with "what's wrong are you ok?" If I am enjoying time by myself.
My wife, fortunately, is an even better compensated introvert than I am, so we are both able to appreciate our downtimes, individually or together.
Our daughter, on the other hand, is clearly a changeling, since she's profoundly extroverted.
+Sandy L. Not to be cynical but in my experience "what's wrong" from friends typically means "well I was going to ask you for something, but your mood might be in my way, can I change it and get on with my request?" 😛
Numerous times in my life I've taken that opportunity to counter with a request to see if they'd really help.
=contentedly reading=
"Hey, whats wrong?"
(doubting your sincerity) "Oh not much, just not looking forward to cleaning this living room all alone like I have to in 10 minutes."
(oh god I might be expected to help) "Well, that's a relief, see ya!"
(thought so) "L8r :)" =goes back to reading=
No, from my ILs it is usually from not being loud and boisterous. As in sitting on the deck listing to people talk and then someone says, "What's wrong? Are you ok?" "I'm fine…just trying to listen to the story so-and-so is telling." Or I will be sitting on the couch watching TV or even reading a book and someone will come in the room (we share a house with my MIL and FIL) and they will say, "What's wrong? Are you ok?" "Yes, just trying to watch this show." This is usually followed by a glare and a push of the rewind button.
The ILs rarely ask for anything, usually just want to impart the latest family gossip as when I say, "Nothing" it is usually followed by them saying, "Well I just talked to blah blah and you will never guess what happened…" Or if we are having a get together here it is usually because I am not getting sloshed like everyone else (what can I say, they like their drink!) and when they drunk they get really loud and happy while I am content to simply watch the show.
DH is usually the one who will ask me what is wrong and if I am mad since I am quiet when I am reading a book…which is usually followed by "No, but I will be mad if you don't stop interrupting my reading."
I would be afraid to ask my MIL to help with anything as she WOULD take me up on it…but I have a touch of OCD and have to have things done a certain way so it drives me insane when she helps. I spend more time trying to convince her I don't need the help.
#11 resonates with me. I had an office job for a year, and my manager insisted that I sit with others rather than alone at a table, reading my book. I subsequently moved to the table of readers, where we all cheerfully declined to interact with each other.
My first Thanksgiving at the in-laws’ was torture. My then-wife had a huge family (5 sisters alone) and the men sat and watched football while the women talked about people I didn’t know (much of it in Spanish). I declined to attend further family gatherings.
Heck, even at Dave’s Christmas party, I sat alone in a room reading a book of Charles Addams cartoons, waiting for Dave to work his way back to me for a couple of minutes of reminiscing. I was most grateful that he understands such things and did not push me to mingle. Thanks, Dave!
@Avo – We were so surprised you had decided to attend, it would have been churlish to insist you be the life of the party, sir. I did feel guilty over those times where I had to abandon you to your ability to self-entertain, but I should have anticipated you would find entertaining diversion amongst the book shelves.
It would be more polite to stick one’s head into a room where someone might be alone, and ask (if nothing is seen to be out of hand), “Everything ok here?” or “Need some refreshment while you’re reading?”
I’ve been finding myself, a lifelong moderate extrovert, withdrawing to/never leaving my room when company is here (more than 4 non-Bejeebers), and have twice in the last three months refrained from going to a party I had said yes to. Not sure what’s going on there, but it started once we moved to Silly Valley, and is increasing, in spite of the dearth of social circles that I have now.
@Marina – If I see one of our party guests off by themselves, I’ll go over as polite host and do the same thing you advise. Or try to, at least.
Speaking from experience, I’d suggest your symptoms *could* be a sign of depression. Or stress.
Well, I couldn’t pass up the chance to see you. It had been so long since you moved to Colorado, I would have shown up even if it had been a Super Bowl party or some such.
😀
@Avo – Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have been there. 😉