Donald Trump has apologized. Sort of. Vaguely. For something. For where he "may" have caused "personal pain". So … really not so much.
Now, it's vaguely astonishing that Trump would actually ever dream of apologizing in the first place. It's less astonishing when you actually parse that apology for weasel words and disarming phrases. It's actually a breathtakingly Trumpian.
Here's what he said:
'Sometimes, in the heat of debate and speaking on a multitude of issues …'
Emotions get high. Thinking gets busy. Donald debates so much, he talks so much, who knows what can happen?
So, Apology Flaw Number 1, leading with an "explanation."
'… you don't choose the right words or you say the wrong thing.'
Apology Flaw Number 2, talking about (and leading with) other people's errors, especially as generalizations, especially in the second person.
'I have done that, and I regret it …'
Wait. Stop right there. If this was all he said … well, it still wouldn't be right. Regretting that he didn't choose the right words is self-reflection, not an apology. It's about how he feels about something he himself did, not how what he did harmed others. He doesn't touch on that until the next clause.
So, Apology Flaw Number 3, acting like your regret is not for offense, but for having been caught, or maybe for not living up to your own personal standards. In other words, apologizing to yourself, not to others.
'… particularly where it may have caused personal pain.'
Apology Flaw Number 4, not being specific about to whom, and for what, you are apologizing.
Apology Flaw Number 5, leaving it vague whether you have actually anything to apologize for (maybe it caused pain, maybe it didn't).
'Too much is at stake for us to be consumed with these issues.'
Apology Flaw Number 6, blaming the victim (or asserting collective guilt) over not having gotten past recriminations over something that hadn't (and still hasn't) been apologized for. Placing the onus on the victim to accept the apology.
Apology Flaw Number 4 (repeat): "these [non-specific] issues".
'But one thing I can promise you is this: I will always tell you the truth.'
Apology Flaw Number 7, downplaying what you are apologizing for because you are so virtuous in so many other ways.
Now, imagine your Significant Other saying,
'Sometimes when you're out at a wild party or on a long business trip, you don't make the right decisions about fidelity and whether you're having unprotected sex with a random stranger. I have done that and I regret it, particularly where it might have caused personal pain. Too much is at stake for us to be consumed with these issues. But one thing I can promise you is this: I will always tell you the truth.'
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be terribly satisfied. Though, now that I think of it, maybe Trump just polished off speeches to his previous wives and tweaked a few of the words. You go with what you know.
