United's CEO is, suddenly, not blaming the victim

Apparently United's corporate communications department has stormed CEO Oscar Munoz' office, tied him down, and started issuing communiques in his name.

'The truly horrific event that occurred on this flight …'

Okay, just to level set the situation, I would call it deeply disturbing, highly embarrassing, and commercially outrageous. I prefer to reserve "truly horrific" for things like sarin gas attacks on innocents. But I digress.

;'… has elicited many responses from all of us: outrage, anger, disappointment.'

If by "all of us" you include yourself, Oscar, then you forgot "dismissive counter-accusation and declarations of solidarity with United staff."

'I share all of those sentiments, …'

But didn't care to share them in your email to United staff.

'… and one above all: my deepest apologies for what happened.'

To the public? To United? To a 69-year-old paid passenger who was physically assaulted?

'Like you, I continue to be disturbed by what happened on this flight …'

Which would be much, much, much more convincing if you hadn't issued a memo yesterday to your employees where you basically blamed the whole thing on the passenger whom you had "no choice" but to physically drag off the plane.

'… and I deeply apologize to the customer forcibly removed and to all the customers aboard. No one should ever be mistreated this way.'

And that should have been your first statement on the matter if not your last.

'I want you to know that we take full responsibility and we will work to make it right.'

So what, exactly, has changed since you were going on and on about how a belligerent passenger had defied orders from the flight crew and therefore had to be involuntarily deplaned and re-accommodated? Because that was your story 24 hours ago.

'It’s never too late to do the right thing.'

United stockholders certainly hope so.

'I have committed to our customers and our employees that we are going to fix what’s broken so this never happens again.'

I would really love to think that's the case, Oscar. Really.

Of course, it all depends on what you mean by "this."

'This will include a thorough review of crew movement, …'

What? Taking responsibility for getting crew where they need to be and not forcing paying passengers off of planes after they've already boarded so that crew can deadhead to their next assignment? Radical!

'… our policies for incentivizing volunteers in these situations, …'

While it is small beer compared to all the other offenses here, I really prefer the much more direct "incenting" over "incentivizing." But carry on.

'… how we handle oversold situations …'

Now there's a crazy thought. Even crazier — not overselling. Yeah, I know, sometimes people cancel at the last moment. But given your record-breaking profits, I suspect a few empty seats on any given flight aren't going to kill you.

'… and an examination of how we partner with airport authorities and local law enforcement.'

Which is an interesting thought, Oscar. Do you mean you aren't planning on calling the cops and airport security the next time someone declines to be "dis-accommodated"? Or that you're going to make sure the cops confiscate any cell phones recording the confrontations when they happen?

'We’ll communicate the results of our review by April 30th.'

I'm marking my calendar, Oscar.

'I promise you we will do better.'

And I'll tell you that, until I see some improvement, my business-related travel on United will be done on other carriers when at all possible. (Personal travel? Always on Southwest.)

United Airlines CEO apologizes for ‘horrific event,’ promises review of policies after passenger violently deplaned
United chief executive Oscar Munoz promised an investigation. “We are going to fix what’s broken so this never happens again.”

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