Useless Information

Via Stacy:

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? 

If we’re not counting current-day TSA inspections, then the closest is on a long-ago business trip jumping from Gatwick to Dublin when everyone was lined up and patted down. Nobody objected to this (a) because the Troubles were still troubling enough to not want anyone else on the plane to be carrying something naughty and (b) because there were guys in fatigues with automatic weapons watching the procedings.

2. Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster?  

Where’s the fun in that?

3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledging?  

Are we talking riding on sleds (not since high school) or wielding a sledge hammer (not in the past decade).

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?  

I don’t mind sleeping alone, but I’d rather be sleeping with my wife.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?  

I consider them an unproven hypothesis that I’ve no particular subjective experience with.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?  

Yes. Just not disciplined enough to do much with it.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? 

Even though I’m not a betting man, I’d place substantial money on the proposition.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? 

Probably Jolie, if we’re talking about which one I think is more attractive.

9. Can you honestly say you know anything about politics? 

More than I feel comfortable with.

10. Do you know how to play poker?  

I know what beats what, but my knowledge of playing is fairly limited.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? 

I don’t believe so. I’ve gotten into the high 30s, though.

12. What’s your favorite commercial?  

None comes immediately to mind, which is probably not what the ad agencies want to hear.

13. Who was your first love? 

A girl named Annette in the 1st grade. We walked home from school together, and I could point out to you the house on the route that I was going to buy for us when we got married.

14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light? 

No.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?  

Probably.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? 

Those are, um, baseball teams, right? 

17. Have you ever been ice skating?  

Yes. I don’t have the ankle strength for it.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?  

Rarely. I have a whole series of memos of dreams I want to go back and revisit after I’m dead.

19. What’s the one thing on your mind?  

There is never just one thing on my mind. No, Margie, not even that.

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?  

Yes. Like the weight of my watchband, or the pressure of my wallet in my pocket, I feel awkwardly “naked” without it.

21. What talent do you wish you had?  

I wish I was much more of an extrovert. I’m not sure if that counts as a talent, but I think it’s my biggest ongoing weakness.

22. Do you like sushi?  

Only if I can pass it over to Margie and order some tempura instead.

23. What do you wear to bed? 

Whatever the proximity of houseguests or likelihood of being awakened by my daughter warrents.

24. Do you truly hate anyone? 

No. I am very angry at some folks, and disappointed at others, and disgusted by still others … but I don’t think there’s anyone that I truly hate.

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? 

Honestly speaking, my sexual fantasies do not run to famous people. Nor do I actually have any wish for them to be anything other than fantasies. In reality, I am more than happy sleeping with my wife.

26. Do you know anyone in jail? 

Not so far as I know.

27. What food do you find disgusting? 

Raw tomatoes. Bananas. Avocado. My family alternates between being appalled at my lack of taste and glad for their being more for them.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?  

Hrm. Yes. Not in what I’d call a hateful way, but in a way that I would not do so to their face — so, yes, it’s probably wrong. And, at that, more often the greater sin is being silent when other people are making more fun of friends behind their backs.

29. Have you ever been punched in the face? 

Not since junior high. I punched back, and ended up in the principal’s office.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons? 

See #5. They make wonderful literary devices, though.