The Top5 List rocks. Today’s list is based on news stories that Hollywood action writers are being solicited to brainstorm ideas of potential terrorist attack strategies, and how they could be foiled.
to the Pentagon by Hollywood
13> Make sure to issue a statement that no animals were harmed during the bombing.
12> Those satellite recon photos add a good 10 pounds.
11> Make sure whatever post-Taliban coalition government you form includes Gwyneth or Julia, if you want it to open big.
10> First you let bin Laden tell you all the details of his evil plan, THEN you send a cruise missile up his ass.
9> Bin Laden’s base is most likely beneath a fake lake in a dormant volcano.
8> Recipe for success: Secretary of Defense who “plays by the book,” and Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff who “cuts corners, uses his street smarts, and gets the job done.”
7> Green Berets: good.
Elite team of black-leather-clad ninja babes: better.
6> Beat bin Laden at Baccarat right in front of his scantily-clad escort.
5> Earth tones? Camouflage? Hello? That is *so* 1980’s!
4> Always reserve one seat on every plane for a disgruntled ex-cop with a bad attitude.
3> Do not appoint Robert Downey, Jr. for any wartime post that requires perfect attendance.
2> Whatever you do, don’t hold the after-war party at Spago — their calamari is like rubber bands!
Given to the Pentagon by Hollywood…
1> There can be no defense whatsoever against a sudden attack of Mariah Carey’s acting.
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]