My God. The world has gone mad. At least that’s what you’d think if you visit the Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing page, which is full of horrifically real baby name questions from actual baby naming bulletin boards.
As the page itself puts it:
It’s simple. Some parents are just plain crazy. But few are as crazy as soon-to-be parents, who, wrapped up in the fear and anticipation, the social status and expectations, go just plain mad. Mad as march hares with swollen ankles and morning sickness.
Or, to give a better example …
… well, maybe I won’t, since I’d hate to say, “Well, Jae’hLynnne is the most craptastic name I’ve ever heard a kid being afflicted with,” and discover that one of my loyal readers just named her child Jae’hLynnne III after her other two kids, I and II. But … you get the idea.
Oh, what the hell.
I love the name Meloncholia Francessca Antouinette for a girl and Zakeri Atruellu for a boy, but my family and spouse ablosute hate it.
Some people should be allowed to breed. Truth.
I’ll confess that we took a stodgy traditional route with Katherine. I mean, nary a “y” in sight. But she can always pick a more interesting nickname (or abbreviation/variation on her birth name), and not feel bad about it, whereas if she were stuck with Jae’hLynnne, she’d be cringing every time she had to fill out an official form or show her drivers license to anyone.
(via Doyce)
Gack! We thought our parents stuck us with bad names (Lester and Venita), so we made sure to give ours nice generic ones (Paul and Emily).
When I was a phone operator I once had to place a collect call for a woman named Aquanetta.
I guess her mom really liked the hairspray.
Meloncholia, let’s see, that shortens to…
ee gahds… you can’t mean it, mom?
please no… just name me Desiree, or Chastity, please?
How come my brother got a cool name like Zak?
Mnemosyne is nice. We’ll call her Mnemonic for short. Or Nemo.
There’s a list of bad names from Alabama birth records floating around somewhere. One of the names on the list is, and I kid you not, Clitoris. Another is LaTrina.
Maybe we shouldn’t have any more dear!
If you were thinking of a name like that, I’d be forced to agree.
We just hired a guy named Marvell! He’s not a Marvel Comics fan, so he didn’t believe me when I told him that he had the same name as Captain Marvel (that’s the Kree captain, Mar-Vell, not the Fawcett/DC Billy Batson).
Well, as far as last names go, Marvell has a long history (Andrew Marvell comes to mind), but as a first name … bleah.
Rock stars are some of the worst offenders. For example: Bob Geldof has a daughter named Fifi Trixiebelle.
Please, please don’t make me tell the Lemonjello (pronounced Le-MAHN-juhlo) story.
I’ll just stick to Star Trek character names, thank you very much.
Michael S. of Toronto tells a story where he used to work somewhere medically-related. Can’t remember if it was some kind of office or a hospital, but he came across a really peculiar name:
Pilkington Yuck
Judge: Do you have anything to say in your defence, Mr. Yuck?
PY: Your Honour, I know that a double murder is a particularly heinous crime, but there were extenuating circumstances.
Judge: Oh, really? And just what might they be, Mr. Yuck?
PY: Have you read my full name on the docket, Your Honour?
Judge: No, um… [looks] Oh, my, yes, well, I see. Case dismissed. [thwack]