The Name’s the Thing

It’s gotten to be something of a regular joke that you can always tell who’s the serial killer/mass rapist/sociopathic psychopath by how many names they have.

Well, we know Eric Robert Rudolph’s guilty, don’t we? He has THREE NAMES. He was Eric Rudolph for years, but now he’s Eric Robert Rudolph. Say no more. That’s why I never thought Richard Jewell did the Atlanta bombing; he would have been described as Richard Jay Jewell, or Richard Harvey Jewell. People don’t get a middle name unless they’re a famous criminal. That’s the law. Ricky Ray Rector. Lee Harvey Oswald. James Earl Ray. Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan.

Of course, the explanation to me is pretty straightforward. I might get upset if some whacko named Dave Hill killed two dozen school children and a nun by dropping a giant anvil on their school bus, and the news were filled with “Dave Hill — nun-killer” and “Dave Hill, the Anvil Assassin” for weeks and months and years. Along with, of course, the ribbing I’d get from my friends.

But if the perp were identified in all the news casts as “David Frigby Hill,” then I’d be a lot less upset. Though I’m sure my friends would still keep asking me what my middle name was …

Now, the question I’m really interested in here is, will this mini-trend (3 Names = Evil Dude) change American naming habits?

(via Doyce)