Next up: fines for showing people eating cheeseburgers

A study funded by funded by the Richard and Rhoda Goldman Fund and the National Cancer Institute suggests strongly that smoking in films ought to draw an R-Rating.

Never mind violence, even slap-stick violence. It’s more important to keep cigarettes out of the view of kids, suggest the authors.

Nearly 80 percent of movies rated PG-13 feature some form of tobacco use, while 50 percent of G and PG rated films depict smoking, said Stanton Glantz, co-author of the study, which examined 775 U.S. movies over the past five years.

Without the study in front of me, it’s unclear how rigorous they’re being in judging that. Is anyone, anywhere in the film smoking counted? Does that make sense?

“No one is saying there should never be any smoking in the movies,” Glantz, a professor of medicine at the University of California, San Francisco, said Tuesday at a press conference at Hollywood High School. “What we’re simply asking for is that smoking be treated by Hollywood as seriously as it treats offensive language.”

It’s a lot easier for kids (the ones we’re trying to protect here, of course) to pick up swearing than smoking.

He’d like to see more PG-13 movies that feature smoking — like “Matchstick Men,” “Seabiscuit” and the Oscar-winning “Chicago” — get slapped with an R rating.

I didn’t see the first two, but … well, let’s see. Chicago is based in the Depression Era, when a lot of folks smoked. Oops, sorry, historical realism is not (much) of a defense. Okay, Chicago is full of implicit violence and mocks the justice system, the press, and the public. Oh, well, not enough to earn an R there. But smoking — well, heck, if only we got rid of that, it would be perfectly suitable for kids!

Since R-rated films typically earn less money because they are not open to most teenagers, Glantz said he hoped such a policy would discourage filmmakers from depicting unnecessary smoking, such as the nicotine-addicted worm aliens in “Men in Black.”

Right. Because so many kids are going to take up smoking because they saw creepy little nicotine-addicted worm aliens doing it. Of course. We need to watch out for kids being indoctrinated into thinking that the National Inquirer is full of real news, too.

A gracious exception is offered for films that include historical figures that smoke. As long, I suspect, as only those noteworthy folks did so, not others around them.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think smoking is a horrid and icky habit. I will do my damnedest to dissuade Katherine from ever taking it up.

But, jeez, people, what next? R-Ratings for movies where people drive dangerously, or without seat belts? For movies where folks eat fatty food? Or drink a beer? Or carry a gun?

When I see Brittney Spears starring in When My Boyfriend Smokes It Sure Makes Me Hot at the local AMC, I’ll reconsider. In the meantime, just … don’t.

(via ASV)