From the Top5 list Comics “Little Fiver” for today:
The Top 9 Complaints of Alfred Pennyworth
That’s “Alfred, Bruce Wayne/Batman’s butler,” to y’all.
9. No overtime for organizing sidekick funerals.
8. Bloodied Kevlar is impossible to get clean.
7. Constantly having to disentangle Bat-Mite from the flypaper strips.
6. It never fails, every time the sheet problem is going away, he gets himself a new ward.
5. That damn giant penny takes about 100 cans of “Copper-Brite” to polish.
4. All those late nights alone, just Alfred and Ben & Jerry.
3. Sure, the big face off with Killer Croc in the sewers saved Gotham, but guess who has to wash the cape and tights?
2. Jarvis gets to be an honorary Avenger, but do I get to wear the cape even once?
… and the Number 1 Complaint of Alfred Pennyworth….
1. The sneaky bastard who snuck that “raise our son if we are brutally murdered” clause into my original contract with the doctor.
Heh.
Contributers: Louise Freeman Davis, Charlottesville, VA (1, 7, 9 – Hat trick!); Matt Hurlburt, Stow, OH (2); Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA (3); Mark David, Sunnyvale, CA (4); Craig Israel, Cleveland, OH (5); Alvaro Ibanez, Mexico City, Mexico (6); Marcelo Rinesi, Buenos Aires, Argentina (8); Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL (Bat Moderator)
And some particularly amusing runners-up …
After three brandies on a Saturday night, a half-naked Aunt Harriet is all over you. (Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA)
Discovering half-way through the preparation of his famous creme brulee that Ms. Kyle drank all the heavy cream. Again. (Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA)
I cook for him, I make his meals, I do his laundry, I practically raised him, and do I even get a lousy Mother’s Day card? (Alvaro Ibanez, Mexico City, Mexico)