People have always wondered when the Terrorists will actually ever be defeated. Maybe, some have said, when all they can do is throw rocks at us.
Nuh-uh. Homeland Security realizes just how dangerous that can be! Thus, a large rock that a geologist was bringing as a sample for a convention — a rock he’s carried with him to similar meetings for three years — was confiscated at an airport security checkpoint as a possible weapon.
To enhance my speech, I nestled one of my favorite specimens between my underwear and shirts in a carry-on bag because I never check luggage on business trips. My banded chunk of the Hebron Gneiss (pronounced “nice”) resembled a broken slice of layer cake composed of licorice and cream cheese.
In retrospect, I suppose I could have put the grapefruit-sized specimen inside my sock, swung it around my head like a mace, charged the cabin and attempted to hijack the flight. This, of course, never occurred to me until the zealous inspector declared my rock a “dual-use” item.
“What, pray tell, is a dual-use item?” I asked. I’m afraid I chucked just a little, causing her to glare, withhold a satisfactory answer and call her supervisor. He hefted my rock, scrutinized it for a moment, and agreed that my specimen was indeed a dual-use item, meaning a potential low-tech weapon. During those uneasy moments when I thought I would be detained, I wondered if a doctor’s stethoscope would also be declared a dual-use item, since it could be used to strangle a pilot.
Don’t give them any ideas.
So, yes, evidently a large rock is a danger. Someone in TSA is planning ahead, with the realization that terrorists could board a plane, and then use large rocks to … bludgeon the passengers back to the Stone Age. Or something.
I feel safer already. If Fred Flintstone ever joins the Axis of Evil, we’ll be ready for him.
(via the Consumerist)