Various studies indicate that while it’s a good thing to have “date nights” with your spouse, it’s an even better thing to have “date nights” doing something new.
The theory is based on brain science. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner. (They are also the brain chemicals involved in drug addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder.)
Most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. The butterflies of early romance quickly flutter away and are replaced by familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment.
But several experiments show that novelty — simply doing new things together as a couple — may help bring the butterflies back, recreating the chemical surges of early courtship.
Various experiments that, at least in the short term, doing non-typical or novel things on a regular basis on with the other half of your couple seemed to increase the perceived quality of the relationship.
Dr. Aron cautions that novelty alone is probably not enough to save a marriage in crisis. But for couples who have a reasonably good but slightly dull relationship, novelty may help reignite old sparks.
Not that all relationships are doomed to ennui over the short haul. Aside from anecdotal evidence (say, Margie and me), there’s some neurological proof:
And recent brain-scan studies show that romantic love really can last years into a marriage. Last week, at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology conference in Albuquerque, researchers presented brain-scan data on several men and women who had been married for 10 or more years. Interviews and questionnaires suggested they were still intensely in love with their partners. Brain scans confirmed it, showing increased brain activity associated with romantic love when the subjects saw pictures of their spouses.
It’s not clear why some couples are able to maintain romantic intensity even after years together. But the scientists believe regular injections of novelty and excitement most likely play a role.
“You don’t have to swing from the chandeliers,” Dr. Fisher said. “Just go to a new part of a town, take a drive in the country or better yet, don’t make plans, and see what happens to you.”
Which is kind of funny, because it’s not like I’m the swinging-from-the-chandeliers type. But, apparently, however it is that Margie keeps things new and interesting around here, it’s working fine.
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety
But
Remember: It’s only kinky the first time.
Happy Valentines Day, love.