I.e., the kind where it’s more about financial arts. (Names redacted / changed below.)
Attention Fellow Martial Artists,
I need your help with something that I am working on.
Do tell! I mean, one of the things we learn in traditional martial arts is to help and support and respect each other.
Hi, Grand Master [Redacted] here. I have been a martial artist for the past 40 years. I ran a wildly profitable Kenpo School in [Mid-Sized Western City]. Part of my success was the fact that I
uncovered the hidden secrets of how to literally print money in the back of my Dojo. (just kidding)
Actually, I’m not sure he’s kidding.
Since I no longer own the school (I sold it to a competitor) I would like to show YOU how you can quickly and easily copy my success. (I enrolled more than 180 new students in less than 6 month and 80 % of ALL my students were in the Black Belt Club with a 3.5 year training agreement and paying Premium monthly fees).
Ah! True enlightenment, sensei-san! Because, after all, it’s all about getting the young’uns and their parents to pony up for long-term premium contracts!
This is where I need your help. Before I spend hundreds of hours writing manuals, recording CDs and videos I am hoping that you could give me some ideas as to what info is most important to YOU and what will help you become more successful. (see questions on the bottom)
Hmmmm. I’m afraid all my questions are about, y’know, martial arts. As opposed to Making Big Bucks At Your Very Own Dojo. I guess that’s why you’re a sensei / grand master / high poobah, and I am but a lowly mark, er, student.
As a THANK YOU Gift for helping me out, I will give you a HUGE discount off the regular price, when I release the information.
“Before I spend hundreds of hours working (bleah), let me have you do half my work for me. And then charge you for it. That’s how I really rake in the big bucks!”
To participate, simply hit the ‘Reply’ button and send me your answers to the questions below.
Q 1. What would you like to be able to do better –
– How to answer the phone better so your prospects come to their lesson
– Kick ass enrollment program that closes 83% of your prospects
– Learn how to teach fun and exiting classes to keep students motivated
– Learn how to upgrade students into the BBC quickly & easily
– anything else that you want to learn
I kind of wanted to be able to do my kata better, and maybe get some sparring tips.
Although it’s nice to see that you want to teach how to expose people to all sorts of cross-cultural influences, not just Oriental martial arts, but also the works of the British Broadcasting Company. Oh, wait, that’s “Black Belt Club.” Right.
Q 2. What format would you like the information in?
– written manuals
– CDs / audio recordings
– Videos / DVDs
“Tell me what you’re most likely to buy, and in what format, so that I can sell it to you. And you’ll get a great deal on the price — trust me!”
I am looking forward to getting your feedback today.
Only if you read my blog.
Sincerely yours,
GM [Name Redacted], PhD
Wow — if you’d told me you were a PhD, I would have had so much more respect for you from the get-go — oh, wait, it was in your email subject line. How could I have missed it?
(and a Game Master — oh, wait, Grand Master, right. Or is that Genetically Modified? Or General Motors? Or Gimme Money?)
10th Dan – Bushido Kenpo
For the uninitiated, “Dan” refers to a rank of black belt. In most, um, traditional martial arts, 10th Dan would be the highest possible rank. Think of it as the five-star general of the martial arts scene. And, just imagine — he’s attained that exalted rank! Impressive! Astonishing! Inconceivable! I mean, Incredible. I mean …
P.S. Now go ahead and hit the “Reply” button and send me the answers to the questions and you will SAVE BIG when the information is released.
I can hardly wait. Or perhaps I can.
Also for the uninitiated, this is what’s know as a “McDojo,” where the goal is on big sales, big contracts, and the quality of the product is … um … not quite as important.
Now, don’t get me wrong — martial arts instructors need to eat, too. They’re not all monks in a temple (who have to eat, too) any more. But it doesn’t take any reading between the lines to see what GM Redacted PhD is really interested in here — and it’s not learning, or teaching, martial arts.
Doing a search on Bushido Kenpo is kind of interesting. Actually, shockingly, I’m not the only one to have gotten one of these letters — though evidently he’s been doing this for a few years. He also used to ask a couple more questions (alas, the bolding is lost):
Q 3. How much do you think other Martial Artists would pay for this information? Remember, you are getting it at a HUGE discount.
Q 4. Last question. Please tell me a little about yourself so that I can properly set up your “Martial Arts Inner Circle Club” membership
– Your name
– rank
– name of your school
– complete address
– phone number
– system/style you teach
– number of students
– last time you were promoted
– how long have you been in the arts
– what association do you belong to
Riiiiiight. “Not only do I want you to tell me what you want to buy, but I want you to set a price for it and help me build a sales list, too!”
And given that this particular instance was dated a year ago … evidently he still hasn’t released that info that I’m going to be given a HUGE DISCOUNT on. Or, perhaps he has, but he keeps, um, refining it for his latest audience.
Scroll down for some delightful commentary, including some research into his past experience, his “PhD,” etc. I didn’t register at the site to be able to look at the links, but the verbiage around them is priceless — as is this link [warning, annoying popup] to one of his home sites.
There’s a ton more, but life is too short.
Now, again, I don’t begrudge martial arts teachers earning a living at it, any more than I begrudge application developers making a living at their trade. And a martial arts teacher needs to be a good business person to make a professional career of it (as opposed to a hobby).
But if I’m going to learn about a martial art — and pay for it — I want to learn from someone who at least feigns more interest in my training than in whether I’m joining the Platinum Belt Club for a Remarkably Low Monthly Fee with an Opportunity to Open My Own Franchise and Make Big Bucks Once I Learn the Secret of the Grand Master PhD’s Success (for a Small Additional Fee)!
Feh.