The Forces of Darkness are winning UNLESS YOU HELP!
No, it's too close to call, UNLESS YOU HELP!
We're in the lead, but we can't guarantee victory UNLESS YOU HELP!
The other side is in the lead, and we face defeat UNLESS YOU HELP!
We don't know what's going to happen, that's why you should be terrified of what will happen UNLESS YOU HELP!
Send money! Now! Early! Often! It's our last chance! It's your last chance! EVER!
Urgently,
The Political Party or Parties Who Have Your Email Address
(Yes, I take the election seriously. Yes, I believe there are differences between the parties. Yes, I've actually made some donations. Yes, I've voted. STOP BOTHERING ME WITH CALCULATED AND MANIPULATIVE PLAYS TO MY EMOTION.)
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I'd respond better to solicitations that were written by Vulcans.
"Donating is highly logical."
This morning's installment.
'Hey — I’m about to step in a meeting with the Chairman to go over our plan for the final three days before the election. And I know he’s going to ask me if you have contributed yet. David, can I give him your name as a donor to the Final Election Day Voter Fund?'
That's from Katie Walsh, the RNC Finance Director, referring to Chairman (and obvious anagram) Reince Priebus.
I have to say that, despite the fact that Reince has sent me several emails (at least, several emails with his name have shown up in my inbox), I strongly doubt that he actually knows me from Adam, let alone is going to be asking if I've contributed. Unless it's in the form of "What was our hit rate from that last email we sent out to everyone on our begmail list?"