The Canadian version of the TSA is having to learn the difference between actual threatening words and phrases and “careless or inflammatory” words and phrases in dealing with folks at airports. The former (“Everyone on that flight is dead”) require some sort of action; the latter (“What a week! I’m dead!”) simply require a warning.
Yes, a warning. You don’t want to use a Bad Word in the security line, lest someone thing you are a Bad Person. A Bad Word in this case is not an obscenity, but something that implies death, violence, weapons, attacks, etc.
This all according to a bulletin sent to all airport security screeners:
The bulletin provides key examples of both types. The false statement “I have a bomb in my bag” will continue to bring the police running. But the comment “Your hockey team is going to get bombed tonight” is merely careless, it advises.
“Inform the person that he or she could commit a serious offence saying such words at an airport,” say the new instructions, referring to careless remarks. But officers should then continue the regular screening process without sounding the alarm.
Some other examples from the document, by the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority:
– “I am going to set fire to the airplane with this blowtorch” (false declaration), versus “What do you think I look like, a terrorist?” (careless or inflammatory).
– “He is going to hijack the aircraft” (false declaration) versus “Hi Jack!” (careless or inflammatory).
– “The man in seat 32F has a machine gun” (false declaration), versus “My gun misfired when I was hunting this weekend” (careless or inflammatory).
The distinction is a serious one.
The federal Aeronautics Act prohibition against false declarations applies to comments made at an airport or aboard an aircraft that could jeopardize security. There’s a maximum penalty of $5,000.
Officers are instructed to treat any false declaration initially as a serious threat, and so bomb jokes can unnecessarily tie up or divert security and delay flights.
The Bad Words still require a warning, of course, since Words are Dangerous. Cory Doctorow mentions a traveling mate suggesting a bottle of perfume in her bag looked like a grenade, and the screener admonishing her not to use that word. “It was as if grenades were like Bloody Mary, and mentioning their name could cause them to appear.”
Which reminded me of the old D&D meme of the chance of a demon being summoned if you called its name three times (hence the post title).
It also reminded me that this is by no means a new or post-911 problem. I recall an old Dave Berg cartoon in Mad Magazine (c. 1971), during the “skyjacking” craze.
WIFE: “I’m warning you, Harry, don’t make any jokes about hijacking. The airport security is so uptight, they will arrest anyone.”
HUSBAND: “All right, all right, I’ll just relax and watch the inflight movie.”
WIFE: “What movie?”
HUSBAND: “The Omega Man.”
WIFE: (shouts) “Oh, not that bomb!”
AIRPORT SECURITY: (grabbing her arms) “Lady, you are under arrest!”
The more things change …
It’s a tough call, because on the one hand criminalizing speech is pretty dangerous, but there are dumb-asses who will crack wise and cause consternation both to security and to surrounding passengers. Is joking about a box cutter in your luggage the same as shouting fire at a crowded theater? Is mentioning that I’m called “Dave Hill, International Man of Mystery” to the counter attendant who’s confirming my identity because my name is on the watch list (hence the sobriquet) helpful mood-lightening banter, or something that will just garner more unfriendly scrutiny? Should I have to worry about that — though, by the same token, should I have to worry about hijacking?
I tend to treat it the same as dealing with the police in any ordinary circumstance — don’t give them any reason to think you’re a threat, and don’t torque ’em off unnecessarily. Some would consider that being civic-minded, others might consider it being cowardly — I just think of it as being practical.
So I won’t be wearing my “My parents went to an al-Qa’eda training camp and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” t-shirt, or joking about the explosives in my suit case any time soon. It’s not a matter of whether I should be able to or not — it’s a matter of whether I want to get to my flight or make a statement (and the answer is usually the former).
(Comments turned back on. And categories reassigned. Mutter mutter)
I had that issue of Mad magazine! That particular strip has come to mind a lot in these days of high airport security.
I’d give a shiny penny to find that comic and scan it.