So my folks are visiting, and, it being election season, conversation turns to politics.
Though both my dad and Margie contribute (vigorously), I’d say a lot of the dialog on various political subjects has been between my mom and me. And …
… well, we do disagree on stuff. She supports candidates I’d rather chew my arm off than vote for, and vice-versa. We have some serious disconnects on a number of political issues and controversies.
And yet, the conversations are not acrimonious. We’re not screaming at each other over the breakfast table. We’re not stomping off in a huff. We’re not kicking each other out of the house or writing each other out of our wills.
Why?
Well, part of it is that we’re not entering into these conversations to “win” (to convert, to score more rhetorical points, whatever). We’re conversing and discussing these things for the joy of doing so.
And that lets us back off a bit when she says something that strikes me as particularly, egregiously … um, incorrect. And vice-versa. Our point is not to crush our “opponent,” right? So why take the conversation to the point where actual hostility would ensue? We each value the relationship we have with each other more than who we support in one political race or another.
Part of it is that we’re willing to admit to errors. She’s raised some points where I’ve been willing to agree, because they’re true. I’ve corrected her on some information that she admits likewise, even if it doesn’t alter her overall conclusion. Ceding a point doesn’t become The Whole War.
Part of it is that we come from a common background and set of premises. She’s my mom, fergoshsakes. It’s not at all surprising that I have some emotional and philosophical starting points in common with her. We share a common love of truth, justice, fair play, caring for others, caring for our country, leeriness of power, compassion, and so forth. We may apply our values in our political calculus in different ways, but we trust (indeed, know) that each of us is not motivated out of greed or arrogance or lust for power or whatever. Indeed, in some ways, despite some very real differences, we recognize we have more in common than not.
Part of it is also that we acknowledge that common ground. Even if we each might think that One Side is more guilty of behavior X than the other, we realize that it too often takes Two to tango. I’m willing to admit that there are Democrats that are a waste of air, and she admits the the same about some Republicans, and we realize that both parties (in and out of power) have done things that have not created a more perfect union, established justice, or promoted domestic tranquility. We may not draw the same conclusions on moral or political equivalency, but we don’t live in black-and-white Manichaean worlds, either. We’re able to laugh, snort, or roll eyes over a lot of the same things.
We love each other. We respect each other. And we value that love and respect more than winning political arguments.
So it’s kind of cool to have conversations on that basis. We may not change each other’s minds, but knowing each other’s minds is even more important to us. And, it makes me wonder why more of our nation’s political discourse couldn’t be more like this.
(Now, if only she wasn’t so badly mistaken about …)