9-11 7 | ***Dave Does the Blog

Falwell blames gays, liberal groups for terrorist attacks

Falwell blames gays, liberal groups for terrorist attacks Mr. Falwell, don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Assuming this bit is true, it’s probably the most…

Falwell blames gays, liberal groups for terrorist attacks

Mr. Falwell, don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

Assuming this bit is true, it’s probably the most despicable bit of news to come from this so far. Who is the greater sinner — the one who commits such foul crimes, or the one who uses them to play politics and attack those he hates? Is there a difference?

Via saranwarp.

Some q&a at the 700 Club site doesn’t quite confirm it, but certainly makes it plausible.

Update: Consider it confirmed via the Washington Post.

Thousand Yard Stare

I am, I think, obsessing over this. And it’s really grinding me down. I know a lot of people who are picking right up, heading back to their daily lives,…

I am, I think, obsessing over this. And it’s really grinding me down.

I know a lot of people who are picking right up, heading back to their daily lives, and moving onward.

I’m feeling progressively tired. Shell-shocked, perhaps. I listen to the news, with avid passivity. I find myself worrying about what move folks will make next. I can concentrate on this, kind of, but not on the work I need I know to do. Bills to pay. Employee reviewed to review. Documents to write, edit, send in for approval. Deadlines to meet.

Not this week.

Oddly enough, I seem less scared than many. I know of several people in my company who have mentioned how much they do not want to fly any time soon. That really doesn’t bother me. I actually have a morbid interesting in checking out the security measures, seeing how the airport experience is different.

And flying. I like flying. Given the tens of thousands of flights daily, that on one day four of them went horribly, horribly wrong is not, to my mind, a reason to give up flying.

A lot of people seem to disagree. That does not bode well for the industry.

Why is this affecting me so much?

Well, for one thing, I’m a control freak. I know this comes as a shock to those of you who know me. I like things orderly, planned, predictable. Not that I don’t mind some excitement, but the fundamentals damned well better be what I expect them to be, or else trauma ensues. I’ve tried to overcome this, and I think, socially, I’m better at not letting this make me instinctively turn down any spontaneous change in plans. Really.

But I do like order. And this is chaos. I like to know how things are going to progress, or at least make assumptions of same. That was probably one of the hardest parts of my divorce — that all those expectations of how things would be 5, 10, 20 years in the future were — well, as defunct as sf movies of the New York skyline now are.

Disturbing.

Another big reason is that a cornerstone of my life is that reasoned discourse will triumph. I am convinced that, if you can just get people talking with each other, you can get them to understand each other. And if they understand each other, they can find an outcome that satisfies both.

Yeah, right. I know it’s not true. At least not always true. But it always upsets the hell out of me when I see it break down. Another reason why my divorce was traumatic, I suppose — and a reason why such an ultimate act of violence just freaks the hell out of me. Because that’s how I try to live my life, and here’s someone saying, “Screw you, I’m gonna do the exact opposite.”

Deeply disturbing.

Another reason I came up with after I had driven a bit further (this was all scribbled on a torn-off bit of fast food bag whilst driving home tonight) was that I’m angry. I’m really, really angry. I’m furious at those — wastes of organic compounds. I’m bloody furious at what they did, at why they did it, at all the lives snuffed out so unjustly, at how it has scarred us all … and at the violation of the safety and security and constancy and hope I so much want to have.

I am so furious, I can hardly bear to voice it.

And that’s the problem. Because I don’t voice my anger very often. Oh, over safe things, perhaps. In controlled circumstances. When it won’t offend, or drive off, or embarrass.

No, really. I can be angry at others, not in the room, and voice it. Almost never at those in the room.

But this anger … this anger is so profound, so burning, churning, yearning for vengeance, for lashing out, for demonization, for dehumanizing, for hurting anyone I even think might be a part of what happened, that I don’t feel like I dare let it out. That to let loose that spirit would alter me in so profound a way that I would never be the same. And I’ve already gone through that once this week.

Still, it leaks out. Anger usually does.

I’m covering for the local IT manager while he is out this week. At the same time as this national tragedy, he’s facing a personal tragedy, the death of his mother-in-law on Monday.

So today I get autoforwarded from his mailbox a message in which …

Well, let’s just say that a local manager was bitching in the most uncomplimentary tones (and untrue allegations) over the support he and his people have received.

I have always run our group as a service organization. So has Doug (the present IT manager). I knew this was screwy, because I’d heard all the tales of the long hours spent in supporting these people, the frequent changes in deployment schedules, the places where our peoples’ hands were tied, the “above & beyond” that our best people had gone in this effort.

And this had all been escalated up the management chain. And the guy who handles site support for half the global organization was pinging Doug to find out WTF, and to get the details before responding to this litany of complaints.

I was calm. No, really. I called in the folks who had been directly involved. I went over the list of complaints. I got the details. I saw, from one guy who is a gem among techies, who frequently, almost embarrassingly, gets kudos from the staff about how he’s been helpful, been supportive, provided exemplary service — I saw the dismay, the disbelieving defensiveness, the way he took this as a personal attack.

And I lost it.

Or I lost it as much as I ever do at work.

I wrote back an e-mail to the inquiring IT manager, copying the person who had forwarded this on to him, refuting every single charge. In the most definite tones I could.

And I actually included the phrase, “This is bullshit,” as I reached the bottom.

Which, for those who know me, must indicate some deep-seated derangement, because I am usually polite to a fault, diplmatic to the extreme. The more perturbed I am, the more formal and careful in tone I am. I am infamous for this in the company, at least from anyone who gets e-mails from me.

This all sounds really silly, as I think of it. But it was indicative of how much anger I’ve got bubbling around in my gut.

Feh.

No pithy conclusion. Gotta work it out somehow.

Maybe I’ll write some more blogs ….

And the blog nattered on …

When does patriotism become jingoism? When does standing together for national solidarity in the face of crisis (or even as part of our normal, political system) become group-think lock-step us-against-them…

I’ve been fortunate enough not to witness much of this so far. Most of the people I’ve heard commenting on Red Tuesday has been angry, dismayed, etc., but most have also had a sense of level-headedness, of not wanting to act wrongly, precipitously, not tarring another people with one brush, not proposing violence and bloodshed of innocents to match what has been done to us.

Fortunate because I suspect my blood pressure has already been running high, and I hardly need a stroke at this point.

We have an American flag flying in front of the house. It will be up there at least through the weekend.

A return to normalcy

My folks finally hit the road today, headed back to California in a rental car, since DIA is still not yet really open. A nice, fun visit, but a long…

My folks finally hit the road today, headed back to California in a rental car, since DIA is still not yet really open. A nice, fun visit, but a long one, too.

I look forward to a nice, quiet evening with Margie and Katherine.

The Lavender Kitchen

The Lavender Kitchen A fine, heart-felt post on the subject. (You know, The Subject.)…

The Lavender Kitchen

A fine, heart-felt post on the subject. (You know, The Subject.)

Morning thoughts

I’m going to try and at least appear to be doing some work today, rather than the torrent of blogging I indulged in yesterday. Therapeutic as it was, I run…

I’m going to try and at least appear to be doing some work today, rather than the torrent of blogging I indulged in yesterday. Therapeutic as it was, I run the risk of Letting the Bastards Win if I let them keep me from performing my duties much longer.

There seems to be — and not just in the not-nearly-as-overblown-as-it-might-have-been(-just-wait) media coverage — a real sense that Things Changed yesterday. The Universe turned the page, and there’s a new chapter heading up there, giving portents of what lies ahead, could we but read type that large.

Being of an historical bent, I’d rather wait for a few weeks, months, years, before leaping to that conclusion. I think there’s something to it, but trying to assume an historical perspective while in mid-crisis is always a good way to write comedy.

Sitting around the dinner table last night, we engaged in the “Where were you?” game. That, above all, may be the deciding factor as to how this affects us.

That and, what happens today? I mean, want a really panicky populace? Pull some crap today. Let folks think it’s a real trend, vs. a (hopefully) one-off tragedy. That would damage confidence, among other things.

I hope I am not being a Cassandra here.

The other thing we “need” is a pithy name. Most events of this sort get named after the location. Unfortunately (speaking with irony here), we have too many locations. “Remember the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and some field in Pennsylvania” doesn’t do much as a rallying cry, any more than it does would if you used the same phrase in a “Where were you?” activity. And the media’s “Attack on America” theme is kind of lame, too.

“Bloody Tuesday”? “The 11th of September”? (“Remember, remember // 11 September, // of aeroplane terror and plot …”)

I leave it to the media hacks.

I was reminded, as I considered my call yesterday to rebuild the WTC, of Babylon 5 and some dialog from the pilot episode, “The Gathering.”

DELENN: “Why Babylon 5? If the prior four stations were lost or destroyed, why build another?”

SINCLAIR: “Plain old human stubbornness I guess. When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it’s destroyed again, we rebuild it again … and again and again and … again. Until it stays. That as our poet Tennison once said is the goal: to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.“

I don’t know as the WTC is as noble a symbol as B5. But it is, in some ways, a symbol which has been thrust upon us. To leave it as rubble, or to let something else take its place, would be, in some small way, an admission of defeat.

110 stories. Twice over.

Now think of the Murrah Building in OKC. Nine stories.

The mind reels.

Finally, there is this. We are what we let this make of us.

We may become fearful and isolationist. “Don’t let the bad people hurt us — withdraw from the world!” That’s been a typical, if unstated, theme in American history. Indeed, in some ways, that’s just what we’ve been doing in the early days of the Bush administration — pulling out of treaties, acting on our own, being unconcerned about what the rest of the world does. It may well be, though, that by having been attacked so publicly and bloodily, that we will break out of that typical funk — that we will realize, “The wide world is all about you: you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot for ever fence it out.” (Tolkien, Lord of the Rings).

Or we may rage back in the other direction. Hunt ’em all down. They were Arabs? Attack the Arabs. They were Muslim? Attack the Muslims. Their leader was holed up in Kabul? Carpet-bomb Kabul. In which case, they have, ultimately, won, by transforming the US into just what they claim it is — a killer and bully and infidel. “It is hard to fight with anger; for what it wants it buys at the price of soul.” (Heraclitus)

And we may decide that the only way to proceed is to insist on safety — no matter how it encroaches on liberty. E-mail monitoring? Censorship? Political oppression? Restrictions on freedom? Those will give at least the illusion of safety, at the cost of privacy, freedom, and the value of open debate.

If I have prayers for the future, it is not for safety, for life itself is not safe, and while I may never be blown up by a terrorist bomb, I can as easily (and more likely) be hit by a car in a parking lot. And it’s not for vengeance, though I think that, right at this moment, I’d grimly and willingly flip the switch/drop the pill/open the scaffold/give the order to fire.

No — it’s that we (and by “we” I mean the US, and those who will stand with us) act in our response to this in a fashion that we can be proud of, that can be a model for others in the future. Justice, mercy, freedom, respect, tolerance, commitment. We find the guilty and punish them, but we do so in a fashion beyond reproach, even if it’s harder, even if it’s less satisfying in some atavistic sense. And we take steps to protect ourselves, but not in a way that unduly compromises the basic freedoms that we claim we stand for.

This can be our finest hour. I pray we don’t blow it, and that we use it to show the world that we are in fact that “shining beacon of freedom” that the President spoke of last night.

Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible.
— Cadet Maxim, West Point

Perspective?

Why am I more affected by 200-odd firefighters and 70-odd police losing their lives than by the almost inconceivable concept of 10,000-plus civilian deaths? I mean, those sorts of 10K…

Why am I more affected by 200-odd firefighters and 70-odd police losing their lives than by the almost inconceivable concept of 10,000-plus civilian deaths?

I mean, those sorts of 10K numbers are the sorts of things that hit Third World countries after earthquakes or floods or monsoons.

The numbers are boggling.

I found myself, unexpectedly, looking forward to a speech by Dubya. This could have been a Presidency-maker or -breaker of a speech. For what it’s worth, I think he did a fine job — not enough to bring me to my feet cheering, or to my knees praying … but enough to be willing to accept him as the President. He gave a speech that a Clinton, or an Elder Bush, or a Carter or Ford would have given.

The future will tell.

That having been said, I disagree that this was all an “attack on freedom,” or because the US is the “brightest beacon of freedom in the world.” This was not an attack on freedom. It was a pursuit of an ideological goal to the exclusion of value of human life. It was an attack on life itself, on civilization. But “freedom” (or lack thereof) doesn’t seem to have had much to do with it.

The other question that came up was that of Evil (with a capital E). Is there Evil in the world? Is there a personification of Evil, driving these sorts of tragic events? Were these Evil people? Or were they misguided people? Was it a matter of fanaticism? Is it just a drive of testosterone, of speech-possessing primates squabbling over their selfish, trivial concerns?

I dunno. I think it was an Evil things. I am more inclined to attribute Evil to actions than to people (that way demonization of ones opponents lies). But I think there was something more meaningful to this than simple territorialism or primate squabbling or a random collection of organic compounds interacting in a destructive fashion.

Believing in a personification of Evil is out of fashion these days, and sometimes I think it’s an easy way to scapegoat one’s actions — “The Devil Made Me Do It.” But I do think there is Evil.

I think today’s efforts stand as proof of that.

Words to live by

“Now is the time to embrace one another, and work together to show that good is always the victor.” — The Christian Science Monitor, “Resliance and Restraint” (editorial), 12 Sep…

“Now is the time to embrace one another, and work together to show that good is always the victor.”
— The Christian Science Monitor, “Resliance and Restraint” (editorial), 12 Sep 01.

The Monitor also has a good (early) article on the possible long-term effects of the World Trade Center/Pentagon attacks.

(Neither URL doesn’t look like it will be stable. I’ll check back in a day or two to see if I can find it again.)

Pictures, for those who want them

Pictures, for those who want them Rey has been pulling together various sites showing pictures of the WTC attack. It is grotesque, fascinating, dismaying, terrifying, engrossing. The ultimate “car wreck…

Pictures, for those who want them

Rey has been pulling together various sites showing pictures of the WTC attack. It is grotesque, fascinating, dismaying, terrifying, engrossing. The ultimate “car wreck at the side of the road.” Unreal. Or perhaps of unwanted reality.

Coincidence?

I have no idea if it was planned this way or not. But if you were planning it, you couldn’t have done better than to crash a plane into one…

I have no idea if it was planned this way or not.

But if you were planning it, you couldn’t have done better than to crash a plane into one of the WTC towers, wait 15-30 minutes, then, once all the media were assembled, news choppers winging past, TV crews down on street level, then, and only then, crash another frickin’ plane into the other tower, so that it can be broadcast and rebroadcast and rerebroadcast around the world.

I don’t know if I want things to have been that well planned.

News, for those who want it

The most reliable site (both in terms of what they report, as well as availability today) has been the BBC Online. They’ve already got some good analysis up there, as…

The most reliable site (both in terms of what they report, as well as availability today) has been the BBC Online. They’ve already got some good analysis up there, as well as rock-steady information.

I’m feeling angry now

But I don’t think I’ll write about it. I’ve already babbled enough, and when I’m angry, I invariably say thing I don’t like to have said. Doyce has a really,…

But I don’t think I’ll write about it. I’ve already babbled enough, and when I’m angry, I invariably say thing I don’t like to have said.

Doyce has a really, really nice quote from the Tao te Ching on his blog this afternoon. Read it.

What would it be like?

People watch with horror as the planes crash into the WTC towers. Fire burns. Buildings collapse. Mass hysteria. Evacuations, police sirens blaring, news sites swamped, a stunned population tied to…

I don’t know how to say this without it sounding flip, if not grotesque, but that’s life in a comic book universe. Buildings collapse, planes crash, hundreds die (off-screen) on a regular basis. Pick up any copy of Avengers, Fantastic Four, Justice League, Green Lantern.

How do you survive in such an environment? Not just physically, but emotionally?

Y’know, this may seem odd, but comic books have never seemed as unrealistic as right this moment.

The big questions

The big question is, of course, who? But as important (and tied to it, part and parcel) is how? How do you coordinate three (probably four) skyjackings? What security holes…

The big question is, of course, who?

But as important (and tied to it, part and parcel) is how?

How do you coordinate three (probably four) skyjackings?

What security holes do you exploit?

How do you keep it a secret?

Whose support did you need?

Or am I seeing more sophistication here than it warrents? Am I in that denial thing some more by finding it easier to believe in a big state-sponsored conspiracy than that a group of homicidal fanatics managed to coordinate something like this on their own? Because that’s a pretty scary prospect.

Thoughts at lunch

Boy, not just a little anger in that last post, was there? And, contemplating my writing earlier this morning, I can see denial wending its way through the desert. Note…

Boy, not just a little anger in that last post, was there?

And, contemplating my writing earlier this morning, I can see denial wending its way through the desert. Note the immediate going into over-intellectualizing mode? Not only does that push away the emotional blow of something like this, but it gives an illusion of control.

Walking around at lunch, it was weird. Bright, sunny, pleasant day here in Denver. A little breeze flapping the sprinkler line flags. Ducks in the pond. Same ol’ Tokyo Joes to eat at. People talking, laughing, working, as though nothing were different.

And in the restaurant, the TVs were all turned to news channels, and I got to see the video footage. It was like (a bit more denial here) some medioicre special effects from a movie. The plane swings behind the closer tower, a ball of fire erupts from the other side. One tower collapses. The other. Mediocre because any sfx house worth its salt would show you what was happening more clearly.

After the Mount St. Helens eruption some years back, one subtle but definite impact was on the Portland skyline. The “perfect cone” of Mt. St. Helens (as LeGuin described in The Lathe of Heaven) was gone, a crumbled peak left behind. So, too, I wonder whether the destruction of the tops of the two towers (and, perhaps inevitably, the demolition of the whole structure) will have, in its absence, an ongoing psychic impact on those whose view of the NYC skyline included the WTC.

Margie’s off to the airport, to pick up the ‘Rents. They are (so we’ve heard) allowing vehicles in for that purpose. We’ll see. Hope there are no problems.

Update: Got a call from my mom no more than a minute later. They’re on the way to the house. Huzzah.

The really stupid thing about this

Okay, working on the assumption that this was done by Arab/Palestinian/anti-Israeli forces, out to punish the US for supporting Israel and and that sort of thing … (This isn’t an…

Okay, working on the assumption that this was done by Arab/Palestinian/anti-Israeli forces, out to punish the US for supporting Israel and and that sort of thing … (This isn’t an unreasonable assumption, given the attacks on US embassies, the previous WTC bombing, etc. And at least one such group has already claimed responsibility, though you know how that game goes. On the other hand, it is not proven by any means, and recall that similar accusations were the first response to the Oklahoma City bombing.)

The sad, sick, awful irony here is that sympathy for the Palestinians has been on the upswing. Sure, a lot of folks still consider “them” terrorists. But Israel has been playing quite a bit of the bully of late. Firing missiles into buildings with innocent bystanders. Bulldozing buildings. Shelling towns. I’ve perceived quite a distinct shift, from “The Palestinians [tarred with one brush] are terrorist scum” to “A pox on both their violent houses.” People in the US, and the US Government, have been less quick to automatically voice unequivocal support for Israel.

And now this.

And if it turns out that it is some sort of pro-Palestinian/anti-Israeli group of murderers behind this, they’ve set their cause back thirty years. Because the only way Israel is going to back down is if the US threatens to withdraw its support. And by provoking the US, the chances of that pass from slim-but-increasing to none.

Stupid, stupid, stupid …

Rrrg. Feel like whapping someone upside the head.

Up-to-the-minute confusion

Well, at least two of our offices (besides Oak Ridge) have decided to close, along with a number of DoD-related jobsites. My folks are in the main terminal building at…

Well, at least two of our offices (besides Oak Ridge) have decided to close, along with a number of DoD-related jobsites.

My folks are in the main terminal building at DIA. The concourses have been evacuated.

Margie is hearing on the TV news that cars going to the airport are being turned away at the old toll plaza. Doyce called to say he’d heard that folks at the airport were being bussed out to the old toll plaza.

Called my folks on my Mom’s cell, and, amazingly, got through. They’re being told that people are being allowed in to pick up people, but that the airport is being closed.

Meanwhile, Doyce mentions that he’s hearing that the FAA doesn’t know where five planes are still. Though whether that’s Sinister or simply A Sign The ATC System Needs To Be Replaced is not clear to me.

This day is increasingly becoming more and more Looking Glass in style. Margie mentioned that “they” have closed the road across the top of Cherry Creek Dam. Now, granted, if the dam were to somehow be blown open, there would be quite a bit of death and destruction. But the chances seem awfully slim. Margie noted, “Better safe than sorry,” but, by the same token, if we do too much squawking about like chickens with heads cut off, we simply aid and abet “the enemy.”

Still, I suppose the folks in the Denver PD (or whomever “they” are) are looking around desperately for something to do other than sit there and listen to the ongoing depressing news.

Stages of grieving

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ On Death and Dying identified five stages that a dying person goes through when they are told they have a terminal illness. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining,…

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ On Death and Dying identified five stages that a dying person goes through when they are told they have a terminal illness. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Those stages have been applied as well (though, some would argue, incorrectly) to those who have suffered a loss.

In looking at my own feelings on today’s terrorist attacks, and the reactions I hear from those around me, I see this happening.

1. Denial: “Oh, no!” “Oh, you must be mistaken — I’ll check on the news myself.” “Man, I can’t believe this is happening!” “This is a crazy world we live in! [i.e., this didn’t happen for a reason]” “Those people are nuts. [ditto]”

2. Anger: “We should bomb them [which “them”?] back to the stone age!” “We need to find those guys and hang them by their thumbs!” “How could God have allowed this to happen?” “Where were the FBI? Why didn’t the government protect us?”

3. Bargaining: “How can we stop this from happening?” “If we spend this money, take this action, pass this law, impose these restrictions, can we make it go away?”

4. Depression: “It’s just going to get worse.” “This is only the beginning.” “People are animals.”

5. Acceptance: “Okay … where do we go from here?”

Think about it. And when you hear our leaders talking about this, try to figure out which step they’re in — or which step is being pandered to.

Update

Well, maybe my folks won’t be staying with us tonight. They’ve closed the road to the airport (security? trying to avoid more people being dropped off?). Not clear if/when Margie…

Well, maybe my folks won’t be staying with us tonight. They’ve closed the road to the airport (security? trying to avoid more people being dropped off?). Not clear if/when Margie will be able to get through.

Personal impact

My folks, who were flying home this a.m., now obviously aren’t. They’re going to stay overnight with us for another night, then, if flights are still grounded (altogether likely), they’ll…

My folks, who were flying home this a.m., now obviously aren’t. They’re going to stay overnight with us for another night, then, if flights are still grounded (altogether likely), they’ll rent a car (if they can) and drive home.

Fielded a call from my brother, concerned about the folks and their plans.

We have an Oak Ridge, TN, office, which has been evacuated (I’ve actually heard that folks are being encourage to evacuate the town) because of the risk of someone doing something stupid/destructive to where all that radioactive waste and plutonium is stored.

Closest thing I can think of that had this sort of impact around the office is when the Challenger went down. There’s that sense of a low buzz of concern, dismay, fear, anger, confusion amidst the folks around here, not sure of what to do, or what they should do, but not being altogether content to just hunker down and do their work.

I know the feeling.