After having mentioned how Philip Morris is changing their corporate name to Altria, I feel obliged to provide the Top5 list on the subject.
The Top 17 Rejected Slogans for The Altria Group
17> New Snazzy Name, Same Lying Scumbags!
16> Altria: The Curiously Strong Carcinogen
15> Altria: Because “al Qaeda” was already taken
14> Oh, like you never gave a fake name before screwing somebody?
13> Try Our Healthy Organic Oral Incense Sticks!
12> It’s Latin for “Light up, Spunky!”
11> Altria: We shortened the name so you can say it without coughing.
10> We’re not your father’s multi-national corporate killing machine.
9> Hey, *you* try coming up with a good name when you HAVEN’T HAD A SMOKE IN TWO F***ING HOURS!
8> Altria: Because some little shit wanted $500,000 for the rights to eSmoke.com.
7> Have Fun Retyping All Those Lawsuits, Suckers!
6> And We’re Also Referring to Lung Cancer as “Respiria”
5> Altria: The Name Just Rolls Off Your Yellow Tongue
4> Deaths to date from smoking Altria cigarettes: 0
3> Lame? Sure, but it’s still WAY better than “Attack of the Clones”
2> Mr. Morris, If You’re Nasty
and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Rejected Slogan for The Altria Group…
1> We don’t make cancer. We make it cancerier.
The Top5 list is Copyright (c) 2001 by Chris White.