James Lileks (of Bleat fame) gives a Brief History of the Future in the Middle East.
— Abandoning talks altogether, Israel abruptly pulls out of the West Bank and builds a fortified wall. President-General Arafat’s Al-Mor’on Brigade begins rocket attacks the day after the wall is complete. “We regret the ballistically assisted disassembly of a preschool,” the French U.N. ambassador remarks later, “but it must be seen as an expression of aesthetic frustration. The wall is very ugly.” …
— Hamas holds a press conference to announce that its goal of a Palestinian state has been met, so it will now concentrate on liberating the oppressed people of Lebanon from the grip of Syrian tyranny. There is stunned silence. “Just kidding,” the Hamas spokesman grins. “Seriously, death to the Jews.” …
— The United States finally attacks Iraq, seeking to destroy Ba’athist fascism and liberate the Kurds, and eliminate Saddam’s arsenal of horrors. Britain is credited with the assist. European nations owed money by the Iraqi regime complain bitterly, but fall silent when Iraq lobs Scuds laden with poison gas into Tel Aviv.
European diplomats caution Israel against retaliation, appealing to the Jews to sit still and be gassed by a mustachioed dictator just one more time. Last time. Promise. We’ll take you out for ice cream afterward.
(Via Ken Layne)