The FBI has a huge problem when it comes to trying to go “undercover” in chat rooms to catch pedophiles. They’re clueless how to sound like teenage girls, especially online teenage girls.
So … enter the teenage girls to tutor them.
For those investigative details, the FBI calls on Karen, Mary and Kristin — Howard County eighth-graders and best friends.
During the past year, the three have been teaching agents across the country how to communicate just like teenage girls, complete with written quizzes on celebrity gossip and clothing trends and assigned reading in Teen People and YM magazines. The first time the girls gave a quiz, all the agents failed.
“They, like, don’t know anything,” said Mary, 14, giggling.
“They’re, like, do you like Michael Jackson?” said Karen, 14, rolling her eyes at just how out of it adults can be.
[…] The girls were recruited after one of their fathers, an agent involved in the pedophile investigations, watched her instant messaging a friend and couldn’t understand what she was typing. He realized that FBI training wasn’t enough.
Of course, some of the FBI agents were sure they were already hep to what kids these days like.
One agent kept insisting that he was right when he answered on a quiz that Justin Timberlake was more popular than Destiny’s Child. Another was miffed when the girls told the class that Led Zeppelin was just not cool. Some kept wondering why “l2m” in instant messaging couldn’t be “love to meet,” instead of “listen to music.”
And the younger female FBI agents assumed that teenage girls would think actor George Clooney is cute.
“We’re, like, no,” said Mary, making a face.
“He’s, like, 50,” Karen exclaimed.
Heh.
Of course, such work is not without its hidden dangers.
Thanks to the girls, Bald said, the FBI has gathered such valuable information as: never begin a chat with “hello”; never use proper grammar in instant messages; and “pos” stands for “parent over shoulder.”
After the ceremony, several parents talked excitedly about finally finding out what “pos” meant.
Karen shot Mary a worried look: “Our classmates are going to kill us.”
Just think Dave…We’ll need to send you to this kind of training in 10 years or so…
Dave – “what do you mean that Brown sprouts is cooler then Grrrlz Killaz…I thought You liked Brown Sprouts?”
Katherine – “DaaAAAD…The Grrrlz killaz are so old. I mean, like they’re in their twenties or something”
What, I feel that way when I’m talking with Jackie and Doyce, fergoshsakes.
Well they are the younguns in the “Circle of Friends”.
Young whippersnappers …
Heh.
If it’s any consolation at all, I find myself less and less able to listen to most of the current rap titles, so in that sense I’ve lost touch.
Part of it’s parental, though: I REALLY want to pick up 8 mile and the last couple Eminem albums, but I don’t want JUSTIN to listen to them, so I haven’t.
I wonder if parent automatically start to fall out of touch with current music trends in the hopes that their children will follow suit? Hmm.
Doesn’t work, though: Justin and I will be driving somewhere and I’ll hear him singing along to a song I’ve never even heard before.
– We drive him everywhere.
– He doesn’t have a walkman.
– He’s really not in his room with his stereo that much.
How does that happen? I think it’s some sort of osmosis effect that only works on teen skin. Probably connected with acne somehow.
Yeah, I can imagine some of that music causing skin problems.
Dunno what happened to me, though.
Related, but not anything to do with the FBI…
http://www.shortandhappy.com/amber/
Heh. That’s funny. “”I have recurrent short term full aphasic memory disorder, I may not remember the events of the last five minutes …”