Pearl of great price

Like most folks, I was pretty damned skeptical when Disney announced its movie, Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, because creating a movie over a forty-year old amusement park ride is a formula for success.

Then Disney did something — well, brilliant. It made a movie that paid tribute to the ride — some fabulous tableaux, a similar sense of piratical whimsy — but that wasn’t bound to it. It made a damn fine pirate/adventure flick — funny, scary, exciting, amusing, lovingly crafted, and all-around good entertainment.

I am, in short, deeply satisfied. If you take nothing else away from this review, take that.

AVAST, ME HEARTIES! BELOW BE SPOILERS!

So on to the random thoughts:

• First off, a quote, from Lileks: “You know you?ve suspended disbelief when you see a gigantic sailing ship in the harbor, and your first thought is what a magnificent vessel, not that?s some quality CGI.” A flick like this, with pirates and black magic and all sorts of spooky stuff, can be made or lost on the effects work. What makes this a fabulous win for Disney is that the CGI is fantastic, and it is seamless. It supports the movie solidly, and lends it a fantastic air that doesn’t draw attention to itself. Whether it’s ships, cities and islands, or shifting skeletal pirates, it just plain works. As much as I hate to say it, Harryhausen has finally been surpassed in the “skeletal warriors” schtick. Bravo.

  Or, to further quote Lileks, “At the end of the movie I was thinking how solid everything had looked – the cities, the buildings, the ships. They looked made, not coded. How refreshing not to have a summer action movie that depends on CGI! Then I remembered: skeleton pirate army. Better yet: skeleton pirate army walking underwater. Skeleton pirate army turning into flesh and back to skeletons as the moonlight fell on their bodies. The computer work here is so good you truly don?t stop to think ‘man, that?s some quality CGI.’ You?re just thinking: whoa, skeleton pirate army.”

• Another quote, from the same source: “No wire-fu. When people have fights, they do not walk up walls or leap in the air and do a somersault; they stand there and hack at each other with pointed sticks, the way God and Douglas Fairbanks wanted them to do.” The fight scenes — in the smithy and in the grotto, in particular — were some of the best I’ve seen in years. Bravo to the choreographers, the actors, the stunt folk, and the director who avoided the easy way out.

• You don’t have to be an aficionado of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride to appreciate this movie. Really. But being one helps you pick up several fine gags — the prisoners and the dog, and the wine down the gullet, both come to mind, but there are others. And the Song, of course. Especially the Song.

  When I was a lad, on a business trip to Florida, I had a chance to go to Walt Disney World. And they had a version of PotC there, just like the one back home (well, not nearly as good as the one back home, but that’s another story). And out front they had the Song playing (accompanied sometimes by a parrot). I decided I would transcribe the Song. So I sat out there through about a dozen cycles of the thing, scribbling it down. And I just couldn’t get a few parts of it. Damn. So I asked one of the ride cast members. He said, “Well, go ahead and take the ride (again) and I’ll meet you at the other end.” And I did, and he did, and he handed me a handwritten copy of the thing. Which I then turned into a fine caliagraphed scroll for a pirate-themed birthday party for a friend.

  Today, of coure, you just go out to the Internet. The world changes …

• Which makes me wonder — will the two PotC rides get any sort of redressing or makeovers? A certain stone chest appearing with the treasure, for example? Or some other subtle (one hopes) bits? It’s a great opportunity that I hope Disney will take proper advantage of.

• I’d never heard of Klaus Badelt before, but his score for the flick was rollicking and adventuresome, without being over the top — just like the film itself. I’ll be getting the sound track.

• Johnny Depp plays Capt. Jack Sparrow like he’s channeling Dudley Moore (though rumor has it the inspiration was Keith Richards), but, aside from some inaudibly slurred speech, he’s excellent in the role, with gleams of the focused hero beneath showing through now and again. It’s so offbeat a performance that it actually helps keep things from being too traditional in the pirate movie realm, without, again, becoming the center of attention. Depp also gets the majority of the good lines (when you can understand them). Geoffrey Rush was born to play a bloody, tyrannical pirate captain, while still investing him with a certain pathos over his curse. Nicely done. Orlando Bloom undergoes an amazing transformation from long-faced blond elf to square-jawed brunette hero. His Will Turner is a classic hero, vying after the girl, facing danger, swinging a sword, yet still remaining the underlying good man he started out as. Think of Westley from The Princess Bride. Keira Knightley, as said “girl,” manages to cement the triangle between Depp and Bloom, balancing effortlessly the role of damsel in distress with strong-willed heroine. She manages to duck most of the stereotypes that afflict either role — when she screams in terror, it’s understandble, not “the vapors,” and when she takes a leading role, it’s because that’s what her character would do, not to score feminist points. Jack Davenport has the most thankless role in the world, as the priggish English commodore who hunts pirates and vies after the girl. He manages to do so without descending into parody, and you actually feel like applauding him a few times. Of the principles, only Jonathan Pryce, as the governor, gives you the feel of an actor taking on a predetermined template — doting but clueless father, terrified aristocrat, whatever.

  The supporting players — pirates, crewmen, a few of the British soldiers — take up their roles with ideosyncratic zeal. There’s plenty of slapstick and broad humor there, but it all works.

  In short, the cast does a marvelous job of being both individuals but still part of an ensemble. Each player has a bit of personality, but none of them suck attention to themselves to the detriment of the whole. That means, alas, probably no Oscar nominations (certanily no wins), but it does make the film as a whole a rich tapestry.

• The only place where things falter is in the penultimate scene, as Our Hero finally gets The Girl. I’m not sure what the message or moral of the story was supposed to be. Be willing to break the rules, if it means doing what’s more profoundly right? Maybe. But not only does it seem to be a put-down of blacksmiths (especially since Turner is an exceptionally fine one), but the glorification of pirates it implies (who are, after all, thieves and arsonists and rapists and murderers — just ask the hapless victim-citizens of Port Royale from earlier in the flick) doesn’t quite go down right. It’s one thing to love adventure, to adhere to true principles versus simplistic rules, to stay true to one’s heart, or to desire freedom. It’s another thing to make your living with rapine and plunder, leaving behind burning ships and burning cities. It’s a moral conundrum that’s difficult to reconsile, and the movie forces the audience to consider it by taking a stand on the matter.

  (And does anyone else find it ironic that, at a time when digital piracy is supposedly so rampant, and being fought so fiercely by media firms like Disney, that they would come out with a film that glorifies piracy and rule-breaking? Me, too.)

But that’s all, to some degree, quibbling and splitting hairs. Ultimately, as the music swelled, and the screen went dark, I was very, very satisfied. Despite Doyce’s recommendations, I’d been a bit skeptical. But this was a fine bit of summer entertainment, suitable for accompanied kids (seven or older, I’d say — this is the first “Disney” film to be rated PG-13), but also quite suitable for adults. Go see it.

We’re rascals, and scoundrels, and villains, and knaves,
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho!
We’re devils and black sheep and really bad eggs,
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!