Red Sonja

From the Top5 Little Fivers Comics list …

CBR is reporting that after 10 years, Red Sonja is being resurrected as a comic book. The She Devil with a Sword will be back starting in April, courtesy of Dynamite Entertainment Comics.

So, what did our favorite female barbarian warrior whose name doesn’t start with an X do when she was out of comic books for a decade? Funny you should ask…

The Top 9 Red Sonja Activities While Unemployed

9. Shacking up with Flavor Flav.

8. Nightly sword fight shows at the Ren Faire. The pay’s not so good, but it passes the time.

7. Please note the head of the previous PTA president on a pike outside the door of the current PTA president.

6. “Man, did you see that school crossing guard put her little stop sign through that engine block?!?”

5. A wildly popular endorsement deal in Japan for “Hyborian Lady Razors.”

4. Ten years later and twenty thousand battles — still the Brigitte Nielsen film has not been purged from the earth!

3. “Buyeth thou these Girl Scout cookies sold by my daughter, or face the naked steel of a warrior woman born!”

2. Her promising WNBA career was cut short after a “blood debt” incident.

and the Number 1 Red Sonja Activity While Unemployed…

1. “None shall take my refrigerator box there in yon alley lest first they can defeat me in a battle to the death!”

Copyright 2005 by Chris White. Selected from 39 submissions from 19 contributors. Today’s Top 5 List authors are: Dave Hill (1, 3), Craig Israel (2, 5, 9), Douglas Ward (4), Chuck Burke (4), Guy Payne (6), Brian Pierce (7), Scott Elmer (8), Marc Berard (9), Dave Goudsward (Moderator).

(Not my best entries of all time, and I think the #1 has been a little edited post-submission, but there you go.)