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Lost and Confused

How to discuss Lost intelligently with all your fanboy friends, even if you’ve never seen an episode. Which just about describes me, yes. With all the Cliff’s Notes under your…

How to discuss Lost intelligently with all your fanboy friends, even if you’ve never seen an episode.

Which just about describes me, yes.

With all the Cliff’s Notes under your belt, you can go out into the world as a die-hard LOST fan. First you have to be incredibly pretentious. Think “Radiohead,” then take a few steps back from there. All other shows are crap, and God help anyone who tells you to check out American Idol on Wednesdays instead, God help them. In your world, LOST is not only the best show on television, but the only show on television. Everything else is just the pre- and post-game.

You’ll have to start incorporating LOST into your everyday life. Whenever someone mentions any of the numbers, for example, you should react accordingly.

Waitress: That will be $4.00.
You: OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE LOST LAST NIGHT WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO WALT DO YOU THINK THAT BUTTON IN THE HATCH DOES ANYTHING???
Waitress: (pause) So will that be cash or credit?

Note that I didn’t hop on the Lost bandwagon for any good reason — I missed the show as it started out, and immediately had the impression (rightly or wrongly) that if you didn’t see every episode, you were dooooooomed to confusion and missing key elements to the Chinese puzzle box of subplots and backstory. Which is a great way to lock people into watching the show, but has (QED) problems in getting people to sign up late.

(via Disney Blog)

Superman Returns (soon)

The trailer is loose for the upcoming movie … Overall impressions? Gutsy yet very satisfying move to not simply reboot the movie series, but return to it (ignoring the last…

The trailer is loose for the upcoming movie

Overall impressions?

  1. Gutsy yet very satisfying move to not simply reboot the movie series, but return to it (ignoring the last couple of Reeves Reeve films, thankfully). Supes has been … away? Why? Why is he back now? And can he and the world still fit together? Nice.
  2. I never believed a man could fly. Now … well, I believe CGI can make a man do anything. The fx look nice. Let’s see if the story lives up to them. Lex, at least, seems fun.

  3. It is amusing (and irksome) that both Superman and Lois Lane look (unrealistically) younger now than they did then. Indeed, he looks about the same age as he does on Smallville.

  4. Given the slightly darker tone of the film, I can live with the darker tone of the costume. Still not happy with the belt buckle and boots, but the ads don really highlight them.

Interest level: moderately high

(via kottke)

A remarkably clever idea

Masking tape with inch marks on it. Measuring tape tape. Excellent. (via BoingBoing)…

Masking tape with inch marks on it. Measuring tape tape. Excellent.

(via BoingBoing)

When it absolutely, positively, probably won’t be there tomorrow

FedEx sucks. Or, at least, they have this past week. Thursday Come home to find a hanger on the door that they tried to deliver a package requiring a signature…

FedEx sucks. Or, at least, they have this past week.

Thursday

  1. Come home to find a hanger on the door that they tried to deliver a package requiring a signature (probably a wine shipment) and nobody was home. They’ll try again.

    So far, no problem.

Friday

  1. Margie arranges to be home before 1 p.m. FedEx always delivers in the afternoon, but she makes sure there’s no hanger on the doorknob when she gets home. There is none.
  2. There remains none all day. No FedEx arrives Friday, no hanger appears.

Monday

  1. Margie is, again, home by 1 p.m.
  2. Nobody shows up. No hanger appears (as it would if delivery had been attempted but the doorbell was on the fritz).
  3. Margie checks out the online computer status of the order (based on the hanger we got on Thursday). It indicates that someone tried to deliver the package around 2, which seems patently false. It also indicates that someone tried to deliver on Friday, too, at a time that Margie can confirm by her IM logs that she was home.
  4. Margie, miffed, calls the FedEx help desk.
    • The help desk person says the computer shows they’ve tried already 3 times, which Margie refutes.
    • The help desk person indicates they have until 7 to deliver the package. Margie notes that it already has a “we tried” flag on it on the online status.
    • The help desk person indicates they can pull the package aside so that Margie can come and pick it up. Margie notes, correctly, that we are paying to have it delivered to us, not to come drive down the tollway to the FedEx facility.
    • The help desk person asks when Margie will be home Tuesday. Margie, indicating her disgruntlement at having to be home again, indicates she’ll be home by 3:30p, and the help desk person says it will be delivered Tuesday after 3:45p.

    Tuesday

    1. No package arrives that afternoon.
    2. Around 5, Margie checks out the online status page. It indicates the package is still at the warehouse, and was never taken out for delivery today, despite the promises of the help desk person the evening before.
    3. At 6, Margie calls the help desk, quite irate.
      • The help desk gent goes through the same steps as above (we tried, can you come and pick it up, etc.),
      • The help desk gent admits that the help desk cannot dictate to the warehouse when/how they deliver, they can only suggest doing so, “flagging” the item with a note. Which, as we can see, doesn’t actually seem to do much. The help desk gent offers to do this again. Margie inquires how he expects this to do anything this time; “what will you use, harsh language?”
      • The help desk gent notes, carefully, that should Margie insist on talking to a manager, he would have no choice but to comply. She catches the drift, and asks for a manager.
      • The manager is paged. The manager either doesn’t respond, or is not available.
      • The help desk gent offers to transfer her to an “Advocate.” Margie agrees.
      • The Advocate goes through the same rigamarole. “But we’ve had three tries already.” Margie has to explain it all to the Advocate. Again.
      • The local Advocate offers to pull the package aside for Margie to pick up. Margie explains, once again, what she’s actually paying FedEx to do.
      • The Advocate offers to transfer her to the Englewood warehouse, where the package is, to talk to the manager there to get this sorted out. Margie agrees.
      • The night manager is not available, being involved in “the sort” until about 7:30p, at which time the manager, it is promised, will call back.

    4. The depot night manager does not, in fact, call back.
    5. At 8:30p (our Internet connection having conveniently gone down), Margie calls the only number she has, for the help desk.
      • Lather, rinse, repeat in explaining to a new help desk gent the situation. She assures the help desk person, yet again, that she does not wish to come and pick up the package.
      • Margie firmly indicates, again understandably quite frustrated, that she wants to speak (again) to a manager.
      • The help desk person indicates that the Englewood management is unavailable. She gets transferred to a manager at another related FedEx facility.
      • This manager (call her Suzie) handles the call well, makes many sympathetic noises, and seems actually inclined to help. Margie is fairly certain this means she’s reached a wrong number, but continues with the conversation anyway.
      • Suzie confirms that there is no manager at the Englewood facility at this point of the evening, the night manager having gone home. The day manager there will start at 5 a.m. Wednesday.
      • Suzie observes a note in the file that the Englewood Advocate had requested the local manager to call earlier that evening.
      • Suzie avers she will contact the day manager in Englewood directly by e-mail (bypassing “the system”). She will also be back on shift at 10 a.m. and will actually follow up to determine (a) why the package wasn’t delivered and (b) why Margie didn’t get a call back.
      • Suzie asserts that the day manager will, in fact, call her (Margie leaves her cell, her home phone, and her work phone), and will arrange a specific time to deliver the package.
      • Margie is actually pretty certain that Suzie will do these things, and ends the call with a thank you.

    And that’s the current status. Will the day manager, actually call back? Will Suzie vanish and FedEx disavow all knowledge of her? Will the package be scheduled for delivery at our convenience, or will we have to quit our jobs and stay at home so that we can be there when someone claims they are going to drive past and glance at our house without slowing down and decide whether the package can be delivered? Does the shipment actually exist, or are we all tools in some Kafkaesque mind game?
    Will Margie realize how incredibly lucky Dave feels that she’s willing to go through this nightmarish telephone tag? Will we contact the winery when all this is over and comment on the problem we had and suggest that if they don’t get a different shipping company we might drop our wine club subscription?

    Stay tuned!

    The Exceptional President

    I.e., the president who believes his job is to uphold the law, except when he thinks he doesn’t need to because it’s not (in his opinion) constitutionally sound. Now, some…

    I.e., the president who believes his job is to uphold the law, except when he thinks he doesn’t need to because it’s not (in his opinion) constitutionally sound.

    Now, some folks might therefore challenge such laws in court. Bush simply notes that he thinks he doesn’t have to actually do it and, in some cases, simply doesn’t.

    President Bush has quietly claimed the authority to disobey more than 750 laws enacted since he took office, asserting that he has the power to set aside any statute passed by Congress when it conflicts with his interpretation of the Constitution.
    Among the laws Bush said he can ignore are military rules and regulations, affirmative-action provisions, requirements that Congress be told about immigration services problems, “whistle-blower” protections for nuclear regulatory officials, and safeguards against political interference in federally funded research.
    Legal scholars say the scope and aggression of Bush’s assertions that he can bypass laws represent a concerted effort to expand his power at the expense of Congress, upsetting the balance between the branches of government. The Constitution is clear in assigning to Congress the power to write the laws and to the president a duty “to take care that the laws be faithfully executed.” Bush, however, has repeatedly declared that he does not need to “execute” a law he believes is unconstitutional.

    It’s one reason, apparently, Bush never vetoes laws (or hasn’t thus far). Why get into a pissing match with Congress when he can simply decline to enforce provisions he deems he doesn’t have to.

    Bush is the first president in modern history who has never vetoed a bill, giving Congress no chance to override his judgments. Instead, he has signed every bill that reached his desk, often inviting the legislation’s sponsors to signing ceremonies at which he lavishes praise upon their work.
    Then, after the media and the lawmakers have left the White House, Bush quietly files “signing statements” — official documents in which a president lays out his legal interpretation of a bill for the federal bureaucracy to follow when implementing the new law. The statements are recorded in the federal register.
    In his signing statements, Bush has repeatedly asserted that the Constitution gives him the right to ignore numerous sections of the bills — sometimes including provisions that were the subject of negotiations with Congress in order to get lawmakers to pass the bill. He has appended such statements to more than one of every 10 bills he has signed.
    “He agrees to a compromise with members of Congress, and all of them are there for a public bill-signing ceremony, but then he takes back those compromises — and more often than not, without the Congress or the press or the public knowing what has happened,” said Christopher Kelley, a Miami University of Ohio political science professor who studies executive power.

    Many of the exceptions have involved military matters, which Bush has conveniently been able to draw on the “War on Terror” as a justification to do … well, pretty much as he pleases.

    Which is great, I suppose, if you agree with him, and only a problem if you don’t right? Well, except that — assuming (as I do, but just to be provocative) that Bush considers a two-term limit or elections something he has to worry about — someday someone other than Bush will be in the White House. Maybe someone that those folks cheering on this sort of thing won’t be so happy about. Say, Hillary Clinton. By carving out so much executive power, Bush sets a precedent that every president — honest, dishonest, lovable, hatable, constructive, destructive — will be able to draw upon.

    And … well, that’s why we have a constitutional republic, and not an elected monarch. Because you need to have controls on executive action more often than once every four years. Don’t you?

    Room with a view

    Not quite as nice as some have, but plenty of green. Plus, I can see the burrito guy on the way in … this post enabled by airblogging.com….

    Not quite as nice as some have, but plenty of green. Plus, I can see the burrito guy on the way in …

    this post enabled by airblogging.com.

    Anthem

    Regarding the singing of the National Anthem in languages other than English: I feel strongly that a strength of the US is e pluribus unum, out of many one. Call…

    Regarding the singing of the National Anthem in languages other than English:

    1. I feel strongly that a strength of the US is e pluribus unum, out of many one. Call me an assimilationist — I think we are strongest, show the most “hybrid vigor,” when we not only welcome new cultures and new ideas, but bring them into the mainstream, use them to forge a new identity. I don’t care for folks trying to be a nation within a nation, any more than I care for the ghettoization of some groups by the majority population. In isolation we are weak; as a whole we are strong.

      Which is a long-winded way of saying that, yes, I do think that folks who come here should learn English and should be both welcomed into the population and expected to be come a part of it.

    2. Unfortunately, the above is difficult to express strongly, because it’s difficult to distinguish from a “furriners go home, or at least be quiet little trogs and let the current status quo continiue to reign.” It is different, but is too similar to the arguments used by xenophobes.

    3. Heck, I have no problem with people listening to the National Anthem (or the Pledge of Allegiance, or whatever) in translation. Beats not reading/singing them at all.

    4. That said, I’d hope that would be a transition for most people, not a final destination.

    Or, put another way, were I to emigrate to a non-English-speaking country, I would do my darnedest to learn the language. I might speak English at home, and I might appreciate folks outside the home who could speak to me in English, but I wouldn’t expect things to be in English. I might rely or associate more with the English-speaking community in that country, but, again, I would have a goal to learn the native language as soon and as well as possible.

    But that’s just me.


    BoingBoing notes a few interesting items, including the 1919 Spanish-language version of the Star Spangled Banner from the Library of Congress pictured above, and this US State Department rendition of four different Spanish versions.

    Of course, it’s one thing to publish something for foreign consumption, vs. the idea, perhaps, of folks at Hispanic events in this country singing a Spanish SSB.

    Still, goofiness.

    Aw, heck, I missed Loyalty Day

    Anyone realize that yesterday was Loyalty Day? The Congress, by Public Law 85-529, as amended, has designated May 1 of each year as “Loyalty Day.” I ask all Americans to…

    Anyone realize that yesterday was Loyalty Day?

    The Congress, by Public Law 85-529, as amended, has designated May 1 of each year as “Loyalty Day.” I ask all Americans to join me in this day of celebration and in reaffirming our allegiance to our Nation.

    NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim May 1, 2006, as Loyalty Day. I call upon all the people of the United States to join in support of this national observance, and to display the flag of the United States on Loyalty Day.

    Note, though, that this is not a Bush invention. It was originally celebrated in the US in the 1920s as “Americanization Day” (against all those socialist/communist agitators who were celebrating May Day), and was formally established by Congress in 1958.

    That said … I don’t know that I’ve ever heard tell of it before, let alone seen anyone making a fuss about it. Presumably the President (whomever it is at the time) issues a press release, as requested in the law, each year, but … well, with patriotic holidays in February, May, June, and July already, it does seem to be gilding the lily a bit.

    (via Les)

    Immigration Day Stuff

    So today is supposed to be a big Immigrants Rights and Boycott and Street Protests Day. The biggest problem with the whole system right now is that it’s not a…

    So today is supposed to be a big Immigrants Rights and Boycott and Street Protests Day. The biggest problem with the whole system right now is that it’s not a system, it’s a political and economic convenience built on lies and unadmitted half-truths. As long as that’s the case, the situation will only get worse.

    The fact is, folks outside the US need US jobs. Employers within the US need immigrant labor. The US needs to maintain a cultural unity-within-diversity (e pluribus unum). Mexico (as the main example) needs to not feel held hostage by the Yanquis.

    My two-cent solution, utterly impractical because it requires hard political decisions, spending a lot of money, and inconveniencing folks who can take advantage of the current situation:

    1. Devise a guest worker program that is easily applied for (including from within the country, initially), is quickly processed, has a very high quota, has strong protections for workers and strict penalties for overstaying one’s welcome. The program should have provisions for good performers to apply for permanent citizenship.

      Folks could apply for this from within the country (i.e., if you’re currently illegal, here’s your chance to get on the right side of the law). Yes, that’s an “amnesty.” Suck it up.

      Once this program is in place for six months, then the following items would kick in.

    2. Harsh penalties for companies that do hire illegals. That includes closing the “independent contractor” loophole, as well as companies bearing responsibility for what their subcontractors and subsubcontractors do.

    3. Harsh penalties for illegal immigration. If there are reasonable avenues for folks to work here legally, then illegal workers can be justly punished. That includes deportatioin followed by escalating prison sentences in this country.

    4. Improve border security — something short of Fortress America, but still more than what we currently have. Alternately (or perhaps more cheaply) improve enforcement of the above laws, checking on legality status of workers and prosecuting workers and businesses for violation of the law.

    What does this all mean? Folks outside the country who need jobs here have a reasonable way to ask for them (and reaonabloe protections and restrictions around doing so), with the prospect of citizenship if all goes well. Businesses inside the country get access to the people they need to keep those jobs in the US (which, even if some of the workers are from outside, sitll benefits the nation). An subculture of illegal immigrants is defused and brought into the open, where they can participate with the rest of society. Mexico gets an above-board economic safety valve, in a way that doesn’t taint it as being the home of illegal immigrants.

    It would cost money. Administering a guest worker program well would take a lot. Providing prison space for illegals who second/third-time offenders would likely cost a lot. Enforcement and prosecutions of businesses would cost a lot. And business expenses to monitor and do due dilligence of their workforce would do a lot as well.

    But those costs are occuring in other ways, now, as well as other costs, the cost of building an economy based on deceit and illegality. It’s a cost in dollars and in lives, and continuing to be dishonest about it will only delay the pain of rectifying the problem.

    UPDATE: Rrg. Comments were inadvertently turned off on this. Sorry about that.

    Not so suite

    Either I was hallucinating on Friday when I tried my office key in the key to the suite my new office is in, or else they came in and rekeyed…

    Either I was hallucinating on Friday when I tried my office key in the key to the suite my new office is in, or else they came in and rekeyed stuff over the weekend, because … well, I’m presently sitting in a cubicle outside the suite, out of which I appear to be locked.

    Either that, or they’re trying to Tell Me Something, though that would have been more efficiently done with, “As long as you have all your stuff packed, Dave …”