It is perhaps a sign of my long years that I do not comfortably use that particular four-letter word. Growing up, that was the nuclear option of vocabulary, the worst possible word one could use. The "F" word trumped even the "S" word, being not only an obscenity but related to (ssshhhh!) sex.
What's remarkable to me, at least, is how commonplace the word has gotten. I haven't heard it from the pulpit or the pundit show or the politician's podium or on prime time network TV yet, but I suspect that will all come in time. And, not unexpectedly, with its widening usage, its become progressively diluted — it's no longer a fighting word, but a (strong) intensifier.
Still, it sets off little alarms in my head for me to actually consider using it in a number of contexts. A post the other day gave me pause (https://plus.google.com/+DaveHill47/posts/ZxheroLTrKz), as it used That Word (as a gerund). When it comes to my blogging, my first reaction is "Hey, my daughter reads this," followed by "Hey, my mother reads this."
(And, yes, I know that both my daughter (at 15) and my mother are well aware of the word, hear the word frequently, and are probably largely, culturally, immune to it — though I don't believe I have ever heard either of them use it in front of me.)
So I told my daughter last night, re that post, "Hey, there was something funny I wanted to show you, but you have to read it because I'm not going to say it aloud," and, after looking at it, she said, "Yeah, I saw that before, it's funny, I have a copy of it saved on my phone."
Kids.
There have been a number of humorous things over the years I've declined to share / repost (or do so publicly) because of that word. It still strikes me as not-quite-right to use in casual, public conversation.
On the other hand, when it comes to creative writing, I have no apprehension about using it as an intensifier, or to characterize individuals (as coarse, angry, or both). And, to be honest, it is a word I have been known to utter aloud on occasions. Usually loudly. Sometimes repeatedly. Often various grammatical forms. Most frequently involving mishaps with tools, household repairs, or whilst driving.
And it does sometimes slip into my day-to-day speech or writing amongst friends — a WTF here and there, a use as an intensifier, or quoting Samuel L Jackson about airborne herpetological infestations, etc. It happens, but not if I think about it (or, if I think about it, then it's very careful and intentional).
The funny thing is, though I find my own use restrained by some inner governor, I really don't take it amiss when others use it (except insofar as I feel comfortable reposting what they said). I'm sure there are outer bounds for that, but if someone says, "That's fucked" or "I told him to fuck off" or something like that — well, that's their speaking style, I do it on occasion, too, and that's what makes human conversation interesting.
As part of this personal contemplation (which is really meant as a discussion of my own verbal quirks than a jeremiad against people these days having potty mouths), I looked up George Carlin's list of "Words you can't use on television" routine (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_dirty_words). "Fuck" is on the list, of course. It's interesting which words / terms remain more taboo than others. Some can be heard on TV these days pretty frequently, and not just on HBO.
Also interesting is the nature of how what words are acceptable has changed. Body function / body part words seem more acceptable now, but words used as pejoratives, as intentional insults, especially about Other groups, are not. The one word that doesn't show up on that list that is more taboo than it was in 1972, and because of that pejorative sense, is the "N" word — which I will write out as an example when it comes up, but not casually, just because it is generally used in a directly and historically hurtful and denigrating fashion.
Another word along those lines — a four letter word on Carlin's list — is one of the few flags that will get me to block someone when used in a pejorative sense (as it nearly always is). Not because it (or any other word) is bad per se, but because the misogynistic sentiment with which it is almost always used is so vile that, honestly, I don't feel the need to be exposed to someone who'd use it that way.
Words are words. The sentiment behind the words is more meaningful than the phonemes, or even the definition.
(It's interesting, if only to me, where in writing this I feel comfortable using words, where I prefer to use quaint circumlocutions around initials, and where I choose not to use the word at all.)
At any rate, there you go. Unlike Captain America, I don't necessarily want people to "watch their language" (except that being aware of one's language is useful part of language usage). It was just a thought that bubbled up to the surface about they ways in which I watch my language, and how that differs (for reasons I don't assume are morally bad) from others around me.
And, yes, I expect to get teased unmercifully by close friends and family about this, in general, or next time I utter something they can point to as a "naughty word." And, yes, I expect some descendant of mine to look at this and marvel at how stuck-up and repressed Great-Grandpa Dave was. We are all children of our times and culture and subculture and family, though. And self-awareness of that is worthwhile.
FTFY: "watch your fucking language"
*gerundive
I don't want to offend others unintentionally, so I try to restrain my use of offensive language and four-letter words. To me, frequent use of offensive language and four-letter words is a sign of low class or perhaps callow youth.
Sorry, the army burned that particular issue out of me. OTOH, I am acutely aware of my language at all times…
+David Newman I would agree that if they are high in frequency count in your vocabulary (e.g., you automatically add "fucking" as often as a Valley Girl adds "totally" or "y'know") then it says something about you — a lack of imagination and/or a desire to show how bad-ass you are.
+Dave Hill On the other hand, nothing is quite so expressive as "Oh fuck, the fucking fucker's fucking fucked AGAIN!"
+Colm Buckley Quite true. It can be a very cathartic intensifier.
What the fuck, Dave? 😉
Admitted, the F-bomb is a favored word of mine and I use it liberally. The one I have a hard time with is the C-word, which you mention as well. I don't use it often and it's almost always in anger and it bothers me when I do use it. Come to think of it, I don't use the other C-word (referring to one who engages in fellatio) all that often either.
But fuck? That's a standard go-to word along with shit, damn, hell, bastard, and the occasional bitch. I don't have many vices, cussing is one of them.
My swearing is, I've found, directly tied to how much sleep I've gotten (or haven't). Too many days on too little, and I pretty much use 'fuck' like a comma.
+Les Jenkins You do seem to have no problem using the term "bastard" … 🙂
I use bitch, damn, hell, and bastard without much compunction (except in certain spaces).
Shit happens, so to speak — it's not a word I use frequently, but I don't avoid it when it feels right. (If nothing else, it's another good cathartic intensifier when strung together multiple times in a sentence.)
(Though its repeated use in a driving situation when Kay was first learning to speak and decided that sounded like a fun word to use, too, made me a bit more conscious of
howwhen I used it.)Using cocksucker as an epithet would be kind of incongruous with my position on various social issues. And referring to someone's mother is usually deemed "fighting words."
I once (once) referred to myself as a son of a bitch, within earshot (and arm's length) of my dad.
He explained how I had just insulted my mother… once I'd got back up off the ground. Never did that again.
"Once you got back up off the ground" ?
Your dad… hit you?
Thumped me right in the middle of the chest, yeah. Got my attention.
I was an adult by that point – he did what he'd have done if anyone had called his wife a bitch – it's not like he was beating up a kid.
See Dave's other post about bad-assery and the regrettable consequences of legacy concepts of honor and violence as a means to solve problems.
This is derailing the topic of this conversation, so I'm not going to get into it any further. It happened nearly 30 years ago. Neither my dad nor I are the same people now, and neither of us would have behaved the same way today as we did then. Shit changes.
I mentioned it merely to agree with Dave's previous "referring to someone's mother is usually deemed "fighting words."
My favorite comment on the cultural appropriateness of the F-word, is someone who was Irish saying "we use it as a form of punctuation."
Personally, I'll use acronyms such as WTF, RTFM, BFE, SNAFU, FUBAR liberally, but rarely use the word itself, except as an expression of frustration, most often associated with video games.
That said, I used it at Les and Anne's house one time, and got teased, as they weren't even aware than I knew it.
+Greg Stockton Good point on the acronyms — though I had to look up BFE (as I'd never heard it as an acronym before).
+Dave Hill BFE is a unique but ubiquitous Midwest acronym, based on a highly scientific study at lunch one time of who knew it and who didn't.
I can confirm this. I found out that BFE was a Midwest only thing while I was working on publishing Hidden Things.
As the Midwest is full of BFEs, that's not at all surprising.
True story: my aunt object to most any form of cursing, so one summer when I lived with her, I tried to use normal words with the emphasis and tone of cursing. For example: "Oh elbow! You big rectangle!" She thought it was hilarious, and I seem to recall that I found it about as cathartic as real cursing. But old habits die hard, and so it didn't stick.
As long as I can remember, I've been the only person at work who didn't use profanity. I can generally find something more original to say that's just as cathartic and may even evoke laughter.
+Scott Randel For purposes of the workplace, I make a very conscious effort to rope it in, and tend to use (non-disparaging) profanity in a more ironic frame. "I guess this is the place where we say, 'Well, shit,' right?"
Disney got me really good at codeswitching with swearing. We'd talk a blue streak backstage, then go on and immediately purge our vocabularies.
But swear words have largely lost all meaning to me, and it still surprises me when people take them literally. Like, if someone got angry at me for using the word "motherfucker" because they thought I was honestly implying that they'd done things with their female forebear, I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from laughing at them. That's just not what it means anymore.
A lot of this is really localized, too. Like in the US, "cunt" is extremely offensive, but in Australia it's on the same level as "bastard."
+Brittany Constable Ooh; where did you work for Disney? DL Anahaim is one of my favourite places anywhere; I go there every time I'm in LA.
+Colm Buckley Westside attractions at Disneyland. Also was on opening crew for Toy Story.
I salute you! Westside means the Frontierland/Adventureland/NOS area, or something more specific?