Love & Marriage 12 | ***Dave Does the Blog

Thanksgiving

Ten years ago (or, rather, Thanksgiving 1994), Margie and I had been dating for a while, and I was going to be heading off to Colorado for my new job…

Ten years ago (or, rather, Thanksgiving 1994), Margie and I had been dating for a while, and I was going to be heading off to Colorado for my new job assignment, and we were over at her folks’ house for dinner, along with various friends and, of course, my folks as well.

And, at some point in the evening, I asked her to come upstairs. We went to her old bedroom — but Jen was there, rocking away with Ana Maria, so we went over to her brother’s old bedroom instead. And there I dropped to one knee, and told her that I’d rather live with her than without her, and slipped an aluminum foil ring over her finger. And she made loud noises, and said yes, and we went back downstairs and let the various friends and family know.

And that was the best decision I ever made. For which I truly give thanks.

Margie is swell

If I haven’t mentioned it lately, my wife is swell. Some spouses might object to their hubby taking a business trip for better part of a week. Others might object…

If I haven’t mentioned it lately, my wife is swell. Some spouses might object to their hubby taking a business trip for better part of a week. Others might object to staying home with the bambina. Margie has not only been supportive and a trouper, but she also clearly trusts that I’ll make it up to her in varied ways, which is nice, too.

I miss her, and look forward to being home.

(And, yes, this is a post-dated post, but it’s true as I write it and it’ll be true then, too.)

(Posted by CronDave)

Every sperm is sacred …

The Catholic Church has issued — or at least formally sanctioned — some new guidelines on sex. And, unlike the common expectation (even among a number of Catholics), they don’t…

The Catholic Church has issued — or at least formally sanctioned — some new guidelines on sex. And, unlike the common expectation (even among a number of Catholics), they don’t just say that Sex is Bad. Indeed, just the opposite.

The controversial book, It’s A Sin Not To Do It, written by two theologians, promises the reader answers to “everything you wanted to know about sex but the Church (almost) never dared to tell you”.

In their attempt to galvanise the faithful, Roberto Beretta and Elisabetta Broli, who write regularly for the Italian Bishops’ magazine, Avvenire, have written one of the raciest works ever to deal with the Church and sex. Bullet points on the jacket cover underline the central message: “Sex? God invented it. Original sin? Sex has nothing to do with it. Without sex there is no real marriage.”

[…] The pages of It’s A Sin Not To Do It, however, feature a frank interview with Cardinal Ersilio Tonini in which he emphasises that “the Church is not an enemy of the flesh”. He argues that Vatican doctrine has always defended the “nobility of sexuality”, which is regarded by the Church as a “treasure” of humanity.

Another chapter likely to raise eyebrows unearths theological justification for post-coital masturbation for women who fail to achieve orgasm during intercourse.

Still, despite some extensions of doctrine, the book doesn’t actually break any new ground, theologically. It is certainly a change in emphasis, though.

Beretta told The Telegraph: “The Church is not against sex. Something needed to be done about the cliches and stereotypes. The Church is not only about forbidding the use of contraception and warning against the sins of the flesh.

“In view of the trivialisation of sex and the rise of impotence and frigidity in consequence, as well as the increasing number of only children, it is better for the Church to promote sex in the right circumstances, instead of just focusing on prohibitions and perversions.”

In other words, it’s emphasizing the place where the Church thinks sex is good, not just the places where it thinks it’s bad.

Even so, it’s refreshing, even if part of the shift in focus is in response to some worldly worries, especially for European Catholics.

The Vatican has regularly expressed its concerns over Italy’s low birth rate, which stands at fewer than nine births per thousand inhabitants. Two years ago, in an address to the Italian parliament, Pope John Paul described the declining rate as “a serious threat that weighs on the future of the country”.

And I suppose they’re more likely to get that birth rate back up if they emphasize that sex can be nifty and virtuous, and not just imply that folks should Lie Back and Think of St Peter’s …

(via BoingBoing)

How’s that for a topper?

Okay, I can imagine some folks going for a Star Wars Wedding Cake Top with Han and Leia on it. Not me, since my geekiness is exceeded only by my…

Okay, I can imagine some folks going for a Star Wars Wedding Cake Top with Han and Leia on it. Not me, since my geekiness is exceeded only by my stodginess, but some folk.

But I’m not sure even my geekiest friends — indeed, probably least of all my geekiest friends — would go for a Star Wars Wedding Cake Top option with Luke and Leia on it.

I’m just sayin’.

(Of course, an Anakin and Amadala one would be almost as creepy — and bets that we’ll eventually see that, too?)

(via Anne)

Happy, happy, joy, joy

Didn’t get anything written up yesterday, but the centerpiece of the day was Dave & Lori’s wedding. They held it up at the Dove House up north, a very…

The happy couple, back in April Didn’t get anything written up yesterday, but the centerpiece of the day was Dave & Lori’s wedding. They held it up at the Dove House up north, a very nice facility for an outdoor wedding and small indoor reception. Good food, good company, and a nice way to see Lori and Dave off on the next chapter of their lives together. Congratulations, you guys!

Ask Mr. Unsolicited Advice about Home Tech Support!

Mr. Unsolicited Advice is a new feature here at Dave Does the Blog, even though Dave will eventually retcon some previous entries to use him. We hope you enjoy this…

Mr. Unsolicited Advice is a new feature here at Dave Does the Blog, even though Dave will eventually retcon some previous entries to use him. We hope you enjoy this new feature, and don’t forget to tip your waiters.

Dear Mr. Unsolicited Advice,

What’s the best way to really impress my wife with my L33T HAXX0R tech support skills?

Sincerely, Oafish in Ohio

Be sure, when upgrading software on your wife’s PC, to ignore any open documents she has in other windows, and let them be lost when you inevitably reboot the system. Not only will this devil-may-care attitude really catch her attention afterward, but it will remove any distractions from your L33T HAXX0R preening.

Oh, if you can time it so that it happens when she’s had a really crappy day after a stressful week at the office, and make sure that one or more of the documents that’s open is something work-related that she’d spent substantial time earlier in the evening working on, you can rest assured that she will have many well-deserved words to express just how she feels about your efforts!

Getting a head

Doyce comments that “I firmly believe that separate bathrooms are one of the keys to a happy marriage.” I suspect it depends on the folks involved. Most contention over bathrooms…

Doyce comments that “I firmly believe that separate bathrooms are one of the keys to a happy marriage.”

I suspect it depends on the folks involved. Most contention over bathrooms in marriages has to do with monopolization of the facilities. That doesn’t apply to Margie and me so much, for a variety of reasons:

The counter area of our master bath is large enough for three or four people to share, and not in the same chamber as the toilet.
In cases of toilet contention, there’s another one just down the hall that’s unoccupied 99.5% of the time (which, hopefully, will not change too much as Katherine grows older).
Margie and I don’t keep the same weekday schedules, so we rarely bump heads trying to get a shower taken.
We enjoy showering together on those occasions when our schedules overlap.
Even when in a “I’m reading, leave me alone” kind of mode, neither of us takes so much time in the bathroom as cause a problem for the other. Indeed, Margie is usually much faster than I am (often because I’m the one reading), so my waiting whilst she completes her evening ablutions is hardly a hardship.

And, FWIW, I don’t recall that being a particular problem even in the old days when I had a much smaller bathroom and a different person I was sharing it with.

That said, it’s good for a man to know how to make a happy marriage (most usefully the one he’s in), so more power to whatever arrangement works for you.

Surprise!

(First of some reports from our trip to Faerie …) I knew something was up Thursday evening. I was working in the office in Pasadena while Margie was off spending…

(First of some reports from our trip to Faerie …)

I knew something was up Thursday evening. I was working in the office in Pasadena while Margie was off spending time with her folks. I’d been told that we were going out for dinner, but the details were not forthcoming.

I call Margie as I leave the office in Pasadena. In point of fact, she calls me. On her cell phone, not from her folks. “Great, glad you’re leaving. You should probably take the 5 down.”

WTF? I-5 is the worst-traffic freeway in the LA Metro area, which is saying something. Perennially under construction, it’s perpetually jammed. “Um … the 5? What, down the Pasadena into downtown?”

“Or the 57. Whichever.”

“I … was thinking of taking the 210 to the 57 and on down. The way I usually go.”

“That’ll be fine.” She sounded very perky. “Give me a call when you get below the 60.”

“Oooookay.”

Something, obviously, was afoot.

Continue reading “Surprise!”

Nothing gets between me and my Calvins …

Well, if Doyce is going to get sucked into this meme, I might as well. What are you wearing?…

Well, if Doyce is going to get sucked into this meme, I might as well.

What are you wearing?

Continue reading “Nothing gets between me and my Calvins …”

Disclosure

How much information is Too Much Information? John Kerry has ruled out opening up records of his 1988 divorce. “It’s history, ancient history. My ex-wife and I are terrific friends,…

How much information is Too Much Information?

John Kerry has ruled out opening up records of his 1988 divorce.

“It’s history, ancient history. My ex-wife and I are terrific friends, very proud of our children. We have stayed close through those years as an extended family,” the Massachusetts senator said, adding, “It’s none of anybody’s business, period.”

We’ve been through this bit before, and no doubt will again: what information about someone’s private life is worthwhile knowing for the public when voting for someone? Or, put the other way around, what information isn’t worthwhile?

Since my own divorce was pretty amicable, as such things go, there wouldn’t be any skeletons in that closet, should I suddenly find myself running for President. On the other hand, I’d still resent having that information opened up to prying eyes.

On the other hand, if you’re running for President, “if you can’t stand the heat, don’t try to go into the kitchen.” As the past decades have shown, any potential private weaknesses or vulnerabilities or scandels will come back to haunt you over your term. In some ways it’s better to get them out in the open, up front, and put them behind you, then fight a lengthy, ultimately fruitless battle, which only magnifies the “importance” when the records are finally opened up.

(And if they’re never opened up — well, that’s just grist for the conspiracy mills, right?)

Kerry uses as a defense that he and his ex are good friends, and neither presumably want to have the records opened up. That didn’t wash for the Ryans, neither of whom wanted those records opened up — and once they were ordered open by the courts, it certainly ended a political career.

But it was all 15-plus years ago, right? What’s the relevance? Well, heck, folks keep poking and prodding at what Dubya was doing two or three or four decades ago. Clinton’s past follies were simlarly on forced display. I don’t know that’s all a good thing, but it’s certainly a precedent.

I don’t know that there’s anything horribly embarrassing in those divorce papers. I even suspect probably not, beyond just recollections of the event itself. But Kerry’s attempt to stonewall releasing of the records can only pique interest in them, which is a distraction neither he — nor the electorate — particularly need right now. Previous stonewalling about the personal past by his opponent should certainly demonstrate that poit.

My wife has faith in me

She gave me an early Fathers Day gift for our upcoming vacation. Jeans. Size 38. Still a bit snug — though not as snug as 40s were on me a…

She gave me an early Fathers Day gift for our upcoming vacation. Jeans. Size 38.

Still a bit snug — though not as snug as 40s were on me a few months back (which is why I have a closet full of falling-off-of-me 42s). Probably won’t wear them. Yet.

But soon.

Advisory

Though it’s aimed at soon-to-be-married gay couples, this list of wedding and marriage advice is pretty universal. There will not be nearly enough time at the reception to spend all…

Though it’s aimed at soon-to-be-married gay couples, this list of wedding and marriage advice is pretty universal.

There will not be nearly enough time at the reception to spend all the time you want with all the people you want to. They’ll understand and will be happy for the time you can spare them.
Smashing wedding cake into each other’s face is strictly amateur hour.
It’s your best man’s (or the equivalent’s) job to remind people that at a wedding reception, as at the Academy Awards, speeches are best very short. You didn’t spend an obscene amount on the catering just to have it grow cold as Uncle Jim blathers on.
There will be drama of some sort at the reception. If the wedding party lets any of it reach the newlyweds, they haven’t done their job.
Don’t fill up on bread. You’ll have to dance later.

Mazel tov!

(via BoingBoing)

Amen, brother

How has fatherhood changed this guy? People who don’t have have kids often think about children as a matter of what they require from you (time, money, attention), which are…

How has fatherhood changed this guy?

People who don’t have have kids often think about children as a matter of what they require from you (time, money, attention), which are resources taken away from other things. And this is of course entirely true, but only half the equation, since you also get something from your kids in return. I mean, having a kid is a lot of work, but having a kid is also a lot of fun: The reason parents burble on mindlessly about whatever allegedly amusing damn-fool thing their kid did today is because they’re having a ball raising that child, and all those cliched moments of domestic gooeyness are, in fact, different when they’re happening to you. Kids are not merely a black hole of needs, sucking away your time, money and youth. They are also entertaining.

And far more than entertaining.

My life is ever so much more complicated — and expensive, and inconvenient, and all of that — since Katherine came along. It’s nearly impossible for us to do or plan anything without dealing with a huge, ornery variable of a little girl in the equation. Vacations, trips, going to the movies, watching TV, eating a meal — Katherine’s presence in our lives is like a little black hole, warping space and time around her.

And yet, that’s only because we let her. And that’s because she’s the most wonderful little girl in the entire cosmos, someone I would gladly lay my life down for, the most incredible and intelligent and gorgeous kid anyone ever had. And I’ll fight anyone who argues otherwise (though I might be willing to simply accept that you have some delusion about your own little girl).

For every moment that she’s an aggravation (and I do get aggravated more than I once did), there are a dozen when she’s a joy. For every dollar spent on her, I’d pay a thousand times as much for the happiness she brings us. For every tmie I want to throttle her, there are a hundred other times I want to hug her and hold her and watch her smile and hear her giggle.

And as to how it’s changed me? It’s made me appreciate the above in a way I couldn’t have otherwise (though I’ve always liked kids). It’s made me more aware of myself, too — having to consider what I do and say and what impact it might have on someone on whom the impact shows so plainly. Heck, it gives me perspective on myself through her eyes, which is invaluable. It’s both sobering and enlightening. It’s not always pleasant, either, but that’s the nature of self-knowledge, and it’s worth that cost.

And as to how it’s changed my marriage — it’s forged new links between us in the common cause and experience of child-rearing and loving. n some ways it’s like the building of additional neural connections when people are exposed to new things; our marriage hasn’t been supplanted by our parenthood, but built up by it. Just as I know myself a bit better, I know Margie better than I did before, and she me. And (speaking for myself), I like what I see. Which is pretty damned spiffy.

(via Doyce, who has some fine insights himself)

Anniversary gifts

So, what are all the Well-Heeled Geeks getting their wives for their anniversary? A “Huzzah!” mug. A “I spent my reward on Ale and Whores!” tee. Romance Refrigerator Magnets. The…

So, what are all the Well-Heeled Geeks getting their wives for their anniversary?

So remember, guys — girls love geeky gifts! They’ll even (giggle-wheeze-snort) let you kiss them!

Best damned decision I ever made

Nine years ago today … Love you, my love….

Nine years ago today …

Love you, my love.

Weekend Update

FRIDAY Long Friday for me, saving up hours for Good Friday next weekend. Still, got home in time for Margie to head over to sundry doctors’ offices to be told,…

FRIDAY
Long Friday for me, saving up hours for Good Friday next weekend. Still, got home in time for Margie to head over to sundry doctors’ offices to be told, among other things, that her arm is looking great. Which it is.

She beat me to the punch, by the way, by going out and trimming the grasses in the pots, so that I didn’t have to. She rocks. Still have some ground-planted ones that need trimming, but the weather (and schedule) did not permit.

Margie was off to D&D in the evening. Kitten and I went downtown to an art gallery near the bit REI HQ. An old college friend of mine, Keith Howard, was having an opening there, and it had been a few years since we’d gotten together with him. He’s currently still doing much house painting, but clearly selling enough of the “real” art to have shows and such. Lots of big, pretty abstract oil paintings, bright primary colors, etc.

Keith was seriously jazzed to meet Katherine, and the two of them got into a laughing contest, which I wish I’d had a video camera to record.

That got us home pretty late — especially since the heavens opened up with rain, which is not the best of conditions to drive the ever-under-construction I-25 in. Not that I was complaining — we are heartily in need of precipitation. It was probably 9:30 or so before Kitten got to bed, and she went down pretty quickly, and I …

… well, I finished sorting stuff on the breakfast table. It’s not clean yet, but it’s a lot more clear, and better organized. Now I need to do something about it.

Not the most footloose and fancy-free of bachelor evenings, but better than some, certainly.

SATURDAY
Up earlyish to deal with Kitten needs and haul her off to dance class. Good fun, watching flocking behavior by little girls in dance outfits, running about the dance instructor like larks on the wing.

The afternoon was a playtest of a new Pulp module. Good fun around the table. Due to the Very Occasional actual play of Pulp, I’ve never really gotten into my character, Burt Richards, but not a bad way to spend the afternoon.

The evening, in turn, was taken up going to see Hellboy. Which I probably need to do again.

SUNDAY
We were extra-diligent the night before to set our bedside clocks ahead an hour. Which was about the cleverest thing that we did.

Palm Sunday, and time for the annual Passion-reading-as-script rendition. Margie got tapped as the narrator, which meant she had the most lines by far, much to her delight (not). She did quite well.

I got to do Jesus, who always has the oddest selection of written part. There’s always pressure in that particular role, as one might imagine. Inflection becomes critical. You don’t want to be melodramatic, but you don’t want to drone the lines out, either. Plus you can imagine everyone in the congregation hanging on the particular performance, ready to critique a particular way you say things. Well, I can, at least.

The church expansion continues apace. We had paved parking lot, but no parking in it (that will be for next Sunday, weather permitting).The walled areas around the parish hall and narthex are finally taking shape. Things are progressing well.

After church, it was off to brunch, thence to errands. As we headed over to Costco, we saw signs for the Lord & Taylor at Park Meadows closing, everything 40% off, so we took a side jaunt there.

Well, at 40% off, it’s still a not-unpricey store, but I found a couple of good deals — some short-sleeved dress shirts, a tie bar or two — and Margie found some stuff, and a couple of cute outfits for Kitten, and a Mothers Day gift from her for Mommy. Then over to Costco …

… where we got a call from Jackie on my cell. Margie took it, and it sounded like a query about the timing for my Spycraft game that afternoon. Ah, I thought. Someone thought it was at 1 again, but it’s clearly on the Game Calendar as 2. And at the moment, it’s just 1:20 …

Well, um, no. See, we’d done a decent job of changing most of the clocks in the house … except my wristwatch. Clever. So it was really 2:20, and everyone was at the house, except us.

Which made the rest of the trip — and the unpacking, and pre-game prep — a bit more hectic than usual.

As it was, the module finished unfolding, the players manage to converge when and where they needed to, and if the boat chase took place later than planned, and with our not being familiar yet with the chase rules, that was compensated for by a well-placed auto-fire salvo that sunk the fleeing Zodiac.

By the time folks had left, though, and Kitten was down, it was going on 9:30. And we needed some unwinding time, so it was about 11:30 by the time we were lights out.

Which is probably not the way to wrap a hectic week ahead — the wrap-up of 40 Days tonight (thank heavens), another meeting for me Wednesday night, our anniversary on Thursday (huzzah!), and the whole Easter Weekend after that. But at least it’s dark again when I’m driving into the office.

A real Bible-based marriage amendment

I don’t expect to see this showing up proposed by any candidates any time soon. (via BoingBoing)…

I don’t expect to see this showing up proposed by any candidates any time soon.

(via BoingBoing)

And sometimes the bear gets you

Big, faboo stunt in front of thousands of people, wrapping up with a big proposal of marriage. Not that unusual … but did you ever wonder what happens when the…

Big, faboo stunt in front of thousands of people, wrapping up with a big proposal of marriage. Not that unusual … but did you ever wonder what happens when the proposee isn’t interested?

Wonder no more.

The man appeared from the bank mascot’s costume, grabbed a microphone and then got down on one knee.
As he began to speak to the woman, she paused and grabbed her face in shock.
Then, as the crowd expected the man to pop question, the woman turned away from the man, and sprinted full speed across the basketball court.

They have it on video, too.

Now, that’s got to be discouraging.

(via GoaF)

Married bliss

Never saw this quote from the weekend (Valentine’s Day, to be precise) show up on the other blog I was expecting it to. “Now, a smart man would have given…

Never saw this quote from the weekend (Valentine’s Day, to be precise) show up on the other blog I was expecting it to.

“Now, a smart man would have given me the gift receipt.”

It certainly brought the house down.

Women in Gaming

20×20 is running a series of posts on Women in Gaming. I guess this was never much of an issue for me. Though it was the early 80s, I started…

20×20 is running a series of posts on Women in Gaming.

I guess this was never much of an issue for me. Though it was the early 80s, I started gaming in college, so the Girls are Scary/Icky thang was never much of an issue.

In most of the games I played in, women were a definite presence and influence. Some of them (usually the less successful) were there strictly as girlfriends of the GM or other players, but there were definitely a goodly number of strong women players involved — one of whom turns out to be my wife.

(The couple of exceptions, a few one-shot thangs early on, were not all that enjoyable, as they were mostly power-gaming uber-alpha-geek killer dungeon crawls. Bleah.)

I even ran a campaign (ADRPG) back in California where the majority of the players turned out to be women. Me and the other token male were not only unthreatened, we enjoyed it.

Here in Colorado, between Margie and Jackie and Lori (and the other Lori, whom I’ve not played with, and the now-moved-away Juli, [update: and Amanda who I’d love to run in another game some time]), there have always been plenty of women-folk at the table. Frankly, I can’t imagine it any other way, nor do I particularly want to, and I suspect that Katherine will, with time (and, hopefully, interest) join us there.

Never have given it much of a second thought, to be honest. Just the way things are.