Category: Humor

Mr. Kiss-Kiss Bang-Bang

Via Doyce, from the Daily Grind a way to frame to your relationships with MMOs the way you frame your … “real” relationships:

I’m sure you’ve heard of the classic “marry/kiss/kill” ranking game (or some not-so-PG version thereof) designed to rank your interest in a trio of human beings. So how about turning that upon MMOs today?

Which games would you marry, would you kiss, and would you kill? By which, I mean:

  1. Marry: You’re in it for the long haul with this title, admiring the devs’ past and present efforts, and are confident that the future will hold great things. You plus this game equals “happily ever after.”
  2. Kiss: You’re interested — or currently involved — with a brief fling with this game, but you’re pretty sure that it’s not going to last. This is a title best left to brief flirtations versus long-term relationships.
  3. Kill: You are done with this MMO — or never wanted to get involved with it in the first place. You abhor the studio’s practices and products, and wouldn’t mind seeing the game thrown into the sun. Metaphorically, of course.

Actually, kind of an objectionable way of framing it, but let’s see if I can tweak it a bit:

Marry:

  • City of Heroes:  A first love, and still a best love.  She’s comfortable, pleasant, mature, fun to be with, a great sense of humor, still has plenty to explore … and she eve now manages some new surprises and unexpected presents now and again. My friends know her, which is nice.  There have been times we separated, though I always come back.  Lot of people think she’s over the hill, but I’m quite happy with her.

Kiss:

  • Lord of the Rings Online:  Old, kind of crazy girlfriend I remember fondly and still occasionally socialize with. Things just never seemed to be going quite the way I was hoping, though, but I’m very glad she’s found other relationships.  Still occasionally think about another brief fling, since she’s free now, but it hasn’t happened yet.
  • Wizards 101:  I’m happy enough chatting with her while the kids are capering on the playground equipment. We were never close, but she always seemed good with children.

Kill Don’t Return Phone Calls From:

  • World of Warcraft: We went on a first date, and I carefully thereafter blocked her on my phone. Never did see what people saw in her.
  • Champions Online: She was bright and shiny and promised so much but gave back so little.  We had some fun times, but ultimately she was never someone I could settle down with.
  • DC Universe Online:  Another try at rekindling an old relationship, but it was just too much of the same old grind.  I keep thinking I might give her a call some day, have some coffee, no strings attached, but I can never quite work up the interest.
  • Star Trek Online:  Met her at the con, seemed to share may of the same geeky interests as me, but eventually it seemed like that was all she was about.  The repeated conversations grew boring. I still play some of the music she lent me, sometimes.

(Maybe I need to stay away from girls named “Online” … it ever seems to end well.)

Ogle from Across the Room:

  • Star Wars: The Old Republic:  She’s hot, she’s new to the scene, she’s hot, she’s got everyone talking.  But she looks like someone who could take over my whole life, and I’m just not ready for that now.
  • EvE:  She’s mysterious, intriguing, and into some wild and different stuff.  I know folks who go on and on about how cool she is. Rumor has it she’s a tiger in the sack, but a very demanding mistress. Staying way away from her.

Man, gaming relationships are complicated …

DING!

And Kitsune-chan and Ex-Terra hit 50. Woot! We were both a scosh fumble-fingered in battle, but we both got the aftermath of the Big Ding.

Kitsune-chan and Ex-Terra — you were just named Heroes of the City! Where are you going now?

“We are going … um … going someplace really cool! And fun! And — cool!”

“It is very pretty here.”

“Yes. Pretty.”

“Quiet. Peaceful.”

“Yes.”

“And … pretty.”

“You said that.”

“And peaceful. And … hey, what say we go find that Statesy mortal again and see if he needs help beating up bad guys. He is awfully cute, in a non-Kitsune kind of way, you know?”

“Best idea you’ve had all day!”

They Might Be Tyrants

“We have Tyrant on the ropes! Look! I got him all glowy and slowed down in his awe over my cuteness! And my boys are keeping him all distracted! And Scary Sam even has him trembling in his very unfashonable boots! The big guy is going down!” 

“Then (urg) why are you (smack) way so far over there (oof) on the opposite side of him (snick) from me?”

“Just, um, because — I, ah, I do not want to get in your way! And maybe block some of your pokeys inadvertently! I am far too clever and cute a tactician to ever cause you any problems in combat!” 

“Riiiight (ugh). And why (smack) are you still wearing (erf) the Wedding Band?”

“Oh, that! Well, I — uh — well … aha! I do not want Statesy to think I am ‘available,’ of course. When I rescue him down from the wall. Yeah, that is it! He has an awful rep with the girls, you know.”

“…”

 

“Wow, Statesy — your Evil Twin sure had good taste in chairs! This thing is pretty darned comfy, even if the view of the lava pits is not all that great.”

“Is she, er, always like this.”

“You have no idea.”

 

“Hey, look! I got my Statesman imitation down pat! ‘Look at me! Proud and patriotic protector of Paragon! Huh-huh-huh.’ Except I am much cuter.”

“…”

Sigh. 

“Oh, poo, Exterry. You are just jealous because I got to sit in the big chair and you are afraid of going all spiney and damaging the very nice upholstery. Hey that gives me a very brilliant idea! Statesy! Think you could help us move this thing to our Super-Base? It would look very, very cute in my room!”

“…”

“You may be eaten by a Quantum Grue.”

Ah, the golden age of computer games, when Dungeon and Zork and the like made you wander through “twisting, turning passages, all looking alike.” How I fondly remember and miss those days.

Which made yesterdays City of Heroes: The Golden Age a nice April 1st hoot. Make sure your computer has the horsepower for it! (Now, where did I leave that 1200 baud Hayes-compatible modem?)

Positron gives us the full text.

Welcome to City of Heroes(R), Horatio.
You last played on 4/1/87.

You find yourself standing in Atlas Plaza, the statue of Atlas towers above you. There is a
plaque at the base of the statue, and Miss Liberty stands on a platform to the north of the
statue.
To the south is Paragon City Hall. To the North is Atlas Drive. To the East is Emmert
Street. To the West is Dakan Ave.
Also here are Capt. Liberty, Ms. B. Haven, and The Luckster.

>Go North

You are on Atlas Drive. A small park sits to the North. To the East is Emmert Street. To
the West is Dakan Ave. To the South is Atlas Plaza.
There are two Police Officers here.
Also here is Mr. Awesome Guy.
Mr. Awesome Guy yells “Someone changed my name!”
Mr. Awesome Guy smiles at you.
Mr. Awesome Guy whispers to you, “Want to team up against some Thugs?”

>Whisper no

You whisper to Mr. Awesome Guy, “no”

>Go North

You find yourself in a park with a small lake in the middle of it. The park looks a tad run
down and unkempt. To the South is Atlas Drive. To the North is a lake.
There is a Thug here.

>Ataack Thug

I don’t know what you are trying to do.
The Thug shoots you with his pistol. (Rolls a 93)
The Thug hits you!
You lose 5 Hit Points.
You have 45 of 50 Hit Points remaining.

And it goes on from there.

Y’know — come to think of it, I don’t miss those days at all.

CoX – Unappreciated

Was on a large PUG the other evening and we got a police band mission — “Stop Archon Roget and his bodyguards.”

Quoth my character, “Archon Roget — he’s the wordy one, isn’t he?”

Beat. Beat. I’m waiting for the LOLs.

“I dunno – we’ll have to see,” someone finally said.

Man, a line like that would get dice thrown at me at a tabletop game. I know — it has.

Ding!

Elseblog, I mentioned this year’s balloting for the Eagle Awards. Not surprising that there were some good gaming webcomics in there.

Though it didn’t mention Ding! by Scott (PvP) Kurtz, which is even more game-centric (WoW in this case). Though, naturally, many of the themes cross-over to other games (at least to CoX and LotR), such as:

Good stuff.

UPDATE: Forgot to mention I was reminded about Ding! by BD.

Acronym

LOTRO?  LotRO?  LOTRo? LoTRO? LoTRo?

I’ve seen all of these used.  The official site uses the first.  I’m inclined to use the second, just because as a title (as seen on the official site), the title capitalization of the letters. 

“Oh, you spell it LOTRO,
And I spell it LotRO,
You wield a longsword,
And I wield a longbow,
LOTRO, LotRO, longsword, longbow,
Let’s load the whole thing up …”